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Saturday 24 August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, we went boating with friends. For some reason the bottom of our tube deflated, causing me to be bounced roughly up and down on the water. As a result, I had the most intense orgasm of my entire life, while sitting 2 inches away from my dad's friend. He definitely noticed. FML

#20862305
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59756) - you deserved it (6438)

On 08/31/2013 at 9:21pm - intimacy - by SplishSplash (woman) - United States

Today, at work, I stepped out for a few minutes to use the bathroom. Shortly after returning, I found out the hard way that one of my coworkers had used my computer to send a profanity-filled email to our boss, calling him an asshole and telling him to go fuck himself. I'm now jobless. FML

#20853995
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46974) - you deserved it (5001)

On 08/25/2013 at 5:36pm - work - by jeed(1) (man) - France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur)

Today, I went to see a therapist for help with my severe fear of spiders. The therapist held a big spider in a box inches away from my face. I ran to the back of the room and asked him why. He responded with, "Aren't therapists supposed to help you face your fears?" I'm paying $150 an hour. FML

#20846128
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38851) - you deserved it (7136)

On 08/20/2013 at 9:41am - health - by no that does not help (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I asked my mom if I was ugly. She said, "Ask your girlfriend." I said I don't have one. She said "Exactly." FML

#20855163
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50604) - you deserved it (5055)

On 08/26/2013 at 2:22pm - misc - by Miami6and3 - United States (California)

Today, I realized I love my boyfriend's cat more than my boyfriend. The only reason we're still together is I don't want to lose custody of the cat. FML

#20859438
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27694) - you deserved it (41596)

On 08/29/2013 at 8:16pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I found out someone has a crush on me. Normally I'd be fine with this, if it weren't for that fact that this guy informed me that he has collected pictures of me since the third grade. I'm turning 23 in two weeks. FML

Today, my mother bitched me out for filing divorce papers against my abusive husband. According to her, it's a "slap in God's face". She's the one who's divorced two husbands so far because they weren't getting job promotions fast enough to support her hoarding habit. FML

#20852500
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49546) - you deserved it (2674)

On 08/24/2013 at 4:37pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I confessed to my boyfriend that I was in love with his best friend. He confessed that he was too. FML

#20848315
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46630) - you deserved it (22897)

On 08/21/2013 at 7:45pm - love - by me (woman) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I was told that I looked like a Kardashian by a total stranger. Flattered, I asked which one. His response? "I don't know, the ugly one." FML

#20848594
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42620) - you deserved it (5484)

On 08/21/2013 at 11:00pm - misc - by theuglyone - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my neighbor's daughter started learning how to play the trombone. FML

#20857611
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41785) - you deserved it (4922)

On 08/28/2013 at 6:33am - kids - by Alice (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my first date in years cancelled on me because she has to "wash the horse's hair." The date was arranged for 9:30pm. FML

#20857695
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38454) - you deserved it (3132)

On 08/28/2013 at 9:25am - misc - by AtLeastHaveADecientExcuse -

Today, I was yelled at once again for being in the school gym without a coach present. I am the coach. FML

Today, a man in a hurry asked me for a light. Not being able to find my lighter amongst the muddle inside my handbag, I handed him my lit cigarette so he could light his. He took it from me, started smoking it and walked off. FML

#20860218
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23588) - you deserved it (33886) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/30/2013 at 6:59am - misc - by Anonyme (woman) - Sent from mobile version



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