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Saturday 17 August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, at work, two teenage girls caused a huge scene and told me to get lost, after I asked if they needed any help. Their reasoning: they didn't want to be helped by "someone who doesn't have a thigh gap." FML

Today, I went downstairs a little after midnight to grab a snack, and in the dark hallway, I clearly saw a small child walk into the kitchen. I was freaked out, but I followed him in. There was nobody in the room. I'm now too scared to sleep, and am seriously considering moving house. FML

#20841635
267 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54745) - you deserved it (4574)

On 08/17/2013 at 12:27pm - misc - by fsfs (man) - Germany (Schleswig-Holstein)

Today, I walked in on my brother smoking weed. He immediately tried to hide it by dropping it down his pants, still lit. Screaming in pain, he pulled down his pants. The ashes burned his knob. I had to take him to the emergency room. FML

Today, I discovered I have epilepsy. 10 years ago, I told my mother about my frequent fits of vertigo, deja vu, nausea, flashes of memory and strange sounds, smells, and images, coupled with an other-worldly feeling. I thought they were holy visions. So did she. FML

Today, I received a lemon in a box in the mail. I didn't know from who it was, nor how he or she knows my address. There was a note on it: "When life gives you lemons, date me." FML

#20837021
189 comments

Today, I woke up to a very unpleasant feeling. Apparently, the tattoo I got on my arm a couple of days ago attracted hundreds of ants during its healing process. They were literally carrying away pieces of my skin. I can not get the feeling or image out of my head. FML

#20846451
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52950) - you deserved it (5944)

On 08/20/2013 at 3:04pm - misc - by aly55a_mariie (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my band informed me that our gig this afternoon was actually a wedding. Whose wedding? My ex-wife's, along with the guy she cheated on me with. For their first dance, I had to sing what used to be our song. FML

#20844435
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (75671) - you deserved it (4221)

On 08/19/2013 at 9:06am - love - by Love stinks (man) - United States

Today, I did something I'd always wanted to do: I went swimming with dolphins. It was really fun, until I went to kiss the dolphin, and she slipped her tongue half into my mouth. FML

#20849713
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42664) - you deserved it (13749)

On 08/22/2013 at 6:45pm - animals - by violated ._. (woman) - United States

Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old standing over me with a pillow. I asked him what he was doing, and he replied that he and Steve were playing a game, but Steve said I have to be asleep for it. Steve is my son's imaginary friend. I'm convinced Steve wants to kill me. FML

#20842823
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52067) - you deserved it (3112)

On 08/18/2013 at 5:37am - kids - by DrtySnchez - United States (Georgia)

Today, my cousin texted me, asking how the chicken pizza had settled in my stomach. We got drunk last night and had pizza. I thought it was cheese; it was chicken. I've been vegetarian for 7 years. FML

#20838310
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28504) - you deserved it (44349)

On 08/15/2013 at 3:10am - misc - by Aly - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend dumped me for "cheating" on him by using a vibrator. FML

#20851263
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52797) - you deserved it (15722)

On 08/23/2013 at 7:30pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I got fired from my job at an age care facility because I was too nice to my residents. My boss told me "They're deaf, blind and about to jump head first into the grave. We don't pay you to be kind." FML

#20842873
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48547) - you deserved it (2704)

On 08/18/2013 at 7:43am - work - by sweet23 (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my dad, under threats of disowning me, insisted that I offer my sister a job in my company. I run my own law firm, she is a hairdresser. FML

#20838513
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49130) - you deserved it (3136)

On 08/15/2013 at 9:34am - work - by lawman (man) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)



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