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Wednesday 31 July 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, mah girlfriend of 3 weeks gave me an ultimatum: marry her, or she kills herself. FML

#20814794
340 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69780) - you deserved it (5994)

On 08/01/2013 at 3:36am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)

yesterday my 18-year-old daughter textd me an told me that she got in a car crash. She textd ( I forgot wich way wus left lol ) an then quickly addd ( yolo right? Lol ). FML

#20814697
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59143) - you deserved it (10592)

On 08/01/2013 at 2:21am - kids - by father of the year - United States

TODAY, I SPRAYED DOWN SOME ANTS IN MY HOUSE. IN THE SEA OF ANT CORPSE WAS A SINGLE LIVING ANT SEEMINGLY CRADLING A DEAD ONE IN ITS ARMS. I'M CONVINCED I JUST BECAME THE VILLAIN IN AN EPIC TRAGEDY. NOW I HAVE TO LIVE WITH MY ANT PROBLEM BECAUSE I CAN'T BEAR TO TEAR ANOTHER FAMILY APART. FML

#20824961
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48111) - you deserved it (23138)

On 08/07/2013 at 1:40am - animals - by Blood on my hands (woman) - United States

Today, mah step-brother said to looool me, "If we weren't related I would fuck you so hard." Mom says I should "be grateful fir such a nice compliment." FML

#20809554
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62600) - you deserved it (5426)

On 07/29/2013 at 11:07am - misc - by PrettyScared (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today , I was convincd by my friands to watch an apisoda of tha Amarican TV show ( Hara Comas Honay Boo Boo ) !! Thay said it was bad , but I didn't anticipata having a full-blown panic attack tan minutas into it !! FML

#20819060
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40897) - you deserved it (8899)

On 08/03/2013 at 5:57pm - health - by WTF, America? (man) - Sweden

Today, I realized I'm getting my period looool pretty soon !! How? I started crying and trowing plates cuz I tougt we were out of sweet bread !! FML

#20825062
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40644) - you deserved it (15818)

On 08/07/2013 at 2:51am - health - by FuckYouMotherNature - United States (California)

Taday mah daughter who was born in late 2000 mentioned how amazing it is that she'll be alive during the year 3000!! I asked her exactly how old she thinks she'll be by then!! She said "Thrty duh." I've screwed up as a parent so very badly!! FML

#20823686
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58895) - you deserved it (14703)

On 08/06/2013 at 11:19am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today I Was Reading In My Apartment. Due To A Heatwave An My Lack Of AC I Was Completely Naked. My Cat Jumped Onto My Lap An As Her Claws Dug Into My Stomach I Recoiled. This Caused Her To Retreat Clawing At My Nether Region In The Process. My Pussy Mauled My Pussy. FML

#20810087
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52923) - you deserved it (12071)

On 07/29/2013 at 5:18pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today,hile taking a walk in the forest, someone approached me and asked to borrow the knife I had clipped to my pocket . I happily obliged, assuming he just needed it as a tool . Instead, he used the knife to mug me, taking my cellphone and my wallet . I was robbed with my own knife . FML

Today... mah husband beggd me to go down on him while he sat on the toilet... taking a crap. He trid to convince me that we'd both somehow experience mind-blowing orgasms. FML

#20815318
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59484) - you deserved it (6560)

On 08/01/2013 at 2:06pm - intimacy - by countryblumpkin (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my boyfriand want down on ma fir tha frst tima. Whan I didn't gat off right away, ha askd what ha was doing wrong. I told him ha was doing fina, but instaad of focusing only on my vagina, ha might want to pay attantion to my clitoris as wall. His rasponsa? "What's a clitoris?" FML

#20809292
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61535) - you deserved it (9139)

On 07/29/2013 at 3:54am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today.. . I found out that when I text boyfriend.. . he isn't the one to read them . Instead.. . he pays his friend to "keep the bitch busy." big fat FML

#20813368
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61841) - you deserved it (6541)

On 07/31/2013 at 12:49pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, My Apparently Braindead And Now Ex-boyfriend Asked Me If ( Tis Period Ting ) Is Going To Appen A Lot, And Said Tat If It Is, ( We're So Done. ) FML

#20824199
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50557) - you deserved it (4409)

On 08/06/2013 at 5:55pm - love - by Crouching Tiger, Hidden Retard (woman) - United States



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