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Sunday 28 July 2013

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Today, I was pretending to be a ballerina. I was dancing around my room, making a complete dick of myself. I eventually caught sight of a pair of guys grinning and filming me with their cellphones through my window. FML

by kiwichick4life / 07/30/2013 at 12:42pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was finally asked out on a date after a year of being single. Turns out he got the wrong number. FML

by foreveralone / 07/23/2013 at 5:51am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Love

Today, my mom confessed to loving my "little sister" more than she loves me. My "little sister" is the family dog. FML

by the un-loved child / 07/28/2013 at 6:34pm / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I had to have a serious talk with my 30-year-old husband about why Sesame Street isn't a "soap opera." FML

by imagrouch / 07/30/2013 at 10:25am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, I've been getting calls for over a week on my home phone, cell phone, and the work phone at my night shift, in which someone whispers terrifying Satanic-sounding chants at me. I've now found out that the caller is my best "friend". His explanation: "You seemed lonely, man." FML

by newbffswelcome / 08/04/2013 at 2:07pm / Vietnam (Ha Noi) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad walked in on me filming a Harlem Shake video. He stared for a moment, said "Son, I don't have a problem with homosexuals, but... nevermind." then shook his head and walked out. FML

by ¬_¬ / 07/27/2013 at 6:43pm / South Africa (Western Cape) / Miscellaneous

Today, my horse farted and scared itself, then ran all the way up the hill and wouldn't stop until I fell off. FML

by mishyb / 07/28/2013 at 12:28am / United States (Colorado) / Animals

Today, my boyfriend and I were spooning in bed, nude, when I accidentally farted. He freaked out and asked in all seriousness if I was trying to give his dick pink-eye. FML

by -_____- / 07/31/2013 at 5:23pm / Netherlands / Intimacy

Today, it was my first day at my new job. I had to break up two fistfights, then leave work early with a black eye. This is not what I had in mind when I applied to work at a retirement home. FML

by x_o / 08/04/2013 at 4:51pm / Hungary (Gyor-Moson-Sopron) / Work

Today, I caught my roommate pouring back his leftover milk from his cereal back into the jug to "save money." FML

Today, my husband removed the TV from our bedroom to improve our sex life. Still no sex because he watches TV on his iPhone. FML

by oddgrrl99 / 07/23/2013 at 6:42pm / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy

Today, I was stretching after a group run. I noticed one of the girls was having problems balancing, so I told her that I have horrible balance too, but that it'll get better. She sneered and said she had a brain tumor when she was a kid, and that's why she has such bad balance. FML

by Anonymous / 08/04/2013 at 3:11am / United States (California) / Health

Today, I watched one of my neighbor's trees fall into the electrical lines outside my house. This was after he took a chainsaw to the tree. He refuses to cover the damages. FML

by trees / 07/24/2013 at 12:44pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Money