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Sunday 28 July 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, a customer pulled a knife on me after I informed him that we'd run out of avocados to put on his pizza. FML

#20815101
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50146) - you deserved it (3662)

On 08/01/2013 at 11:18am - work - by are these people even HUMAN? (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, after giving me my very first orgasm, my boyfriend sat me down and had a serious chat with me about my orgasm face. Apparently it reminded him of the scene in the Exorcist with the possessed girl, and it really freaked him out. FML

#20816805
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63731) - you deserved it (8032)

On 08/02/2013 at 10:08am - intimacy - by right (woman) - United Kingdom (Dorset)

Today, I tried to give my husband a striptease for his birthday. I wound up tripping over my own panties and nearly dislocating my shoulder. FML

#20815680
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45302) - you deserved it (9056)

On 08/01/2013 at 6:29pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Mexico (Distrito Federal)

Today, I met the most beautiful girl I've ever seen on the beach. I was nervous, but I just smiled and said, "Hey, you're really pretty." Then I let out a horrific fart. FML

#20816798
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53739) - you deserved it (11601)

On 08/02/2013 at 9:58am - misc - by YouSoSmelly (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my girlfriend convinced me to do some bedroom roleplay, and we decided on acting out a job interview scenario. I suggestively told her that if she wanted to get the job, she'd have to use her mouth on something else first. She called me a pig and ended the roleplay right there. FML

#20818899
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60097) - you deserved it (8923)

On 08/03/2013 at 4:01pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Portugal

Today, I called an airline to try to locate a bag I left on a flight. When I told the phone rep which airport I flew into, he asked me what city it was in. He paused after I told him, then asked me what state Seattle is in. I don't think I'll be getting my bag back. FML

#20798415
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44409) - you deserved it (3684)

On 07/22/2013 at 10:18pm - misc - by 1942ford (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, a co-worker verbally abused me because I yawned. His excuse was that, "It's contagious". FML

#20800837
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41503) - you deserved it (4237)

On 07/24/2013 at 5:15am - work - by CapNCook (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my eldest daughter has 'officially' removed herself from our family and will no longer communicate with any of us. Apparently it's my fault that her younger sister is having a baby before her, and she can't be part of a family that 'treats her so unfairly'. FML

#20803510
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46450) - you deserved it (3963)

On 07/25/2013 at 8:51pm - kids - by JealousBratMuch - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I came home to find that my mother had cleaned my room, and she'd done a very good job, too. So good in fact, that she even managed to remove all of the furniture, replacing it with a note that said, "It's time to go, sweetie XO". FML

#20802373
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48917) - you deserved it (7835)

On 07/25/2013 at 2:04am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I confessed to losing my wife's engagement ring, and replacing it with a lookalike months ago. My wife also confessed that her actual engagement ring was locked in the safe, and the one I lost had been a fake. I've been paying the replacement off on my credit card for 6 months. FML

#20798091
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44510) - you deserved it (13553)

On 07/22/2013 at 6:30pm - love - by RonnieG (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was going so slow in traffic that my GPS asked me if I wanted to switch to pedestrian mode. FML

#20801861
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45637) - you deserved it (7966)

On 07/24/2013 at 9:31pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was pretending to be a ballerina. I was dancing around my room, making a complete dick of myself. I eventually caught sight of a pair of guys grinning and filming me with their cellphones through my window. FML

#20811460
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42029) - you deserved it (13741)

On 07/30/2013 at 12:42pm - misc - by kiwichick4life (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was finally asked out on a date after a year of being single. Turns out he got the wrong number. FML

#20799037
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47401) - you deserved it (3402)

On 07/23/2013 at 5:51am - love - by foreveralone (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)



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