Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Sunday 28 July 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my eldest daughter has 'officially' removed herself from our family and will no longer communicate with any of us. Apparently it's my fault that her younger sister is having a baby before her, and she can't be part of a family that 'treats her so unfairly'. FML

#20803510
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42655) - you deserved it (3633)

On 07/25/2013 at 8:51pm - kids - by JealousBratMuch - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I tried to give my husband a striptease for his birthday. I wound up tripping over my own panties and nearly dislocating my shoulder. FML

#20815680
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41920) - you deserved it (8538)

On 08/01/2013 at 6:29pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Mexico (Distrito Federal)

Today, after giving me my very first orgasm, my boyfriend sat me down and had a serious chat with me about my orgasm face. Apparently it reminded him of the scene in the Exorcist with the possessed girl, and it really freaked him out. FML

#20816805
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58776) - you deserved it (7471)

On 08/02/2013 at 10:08am - intimacy - by right (woman) - United Kingdom (Dorset)

Today, it was my first day at my new job. I had to break up two fistfights, then leave work early with a black eye. This is not what I had in mind when I applied to work at a retirement home. FML

#20820605
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47949) - you deserved it (3482)

On 08/04/2013 at 4:51pm - work - by x_o (man) - Hungary (Gyor-Moson-Sopron)

Today, my husband and I arrived in Barbados on vacation. We visited a club, and they had a selection of drinks with weird names. My husband ordered one called the Raging Bitch, flicked his finger towards me, and said to the barkeeper, "Might as well get something I'm used to." FML

#20820272
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43554) - you deserved it (10013)

On 08/04/2013 at 12:45pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Barbados (Saint Michael)

Today, I confessed to losing my wife's engagement ring, and replacing it with a lookalike months ago. My wife also confessed that her actual engagement ring was locked in the safe, and the one I lost had been a fake. I've been paying the replacement off on my credit card for 6 months. FML

#20798091
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40945) - you deserved it (12494)

On 07/22/2013 at 6:30pm - love - by RonnieG (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was pretending to be a ballerina. I was dancing around my room, making a complete dick of myself. I eventually caught sight of a pair of guys grinning and filming me with their cellphones through my window. FML

#20811460
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38768) - you deserved it (12834)

On 07/30/2013 at 12:42pm - misc - by kiwichick4life (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I learned a few things. One: friends are assholes. Two: under no circumstance do you close your eyes when they ask you to. Three: getting kicked in the balls hurts a lot. FML

#20818001
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40562) - you deserved it (20254)

On 08/03/2013 at 12:31am - health - by Myballshurt (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was stretching after a group run. I noticed one of the girls was having problems balancing, so I told her that I have horrible balance too, but that it'll get better. She sneered and said she had a brain tumor when she was a kid, and that's why she has such bad balance. FML

#20819891
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43899) - you deserved it (6212)

On 08/04/2013 at 3:11am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I called an airline to try to locate a bag I left on a flight. When I told the phone rep which airport I flew into, he asked me what city it was in. He paused after I told him, then asked me what state Seattle is in. I don't think I'll be getting my bag back. FML

#20798415
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40995) - you deserved it (3385)

On 07/22/2013 at 10:18pm - misc - by 1942ford (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my husband removed the TV from our bedroom to improve our sex life. Still no sex because he watches TV on his iPhone. FML

#20799897
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48382) - you deserved it (4175)

On 07/23/2013 at 6:42pm - intimacy - by oddgrrl99 (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I met the most beautiful girl I've ever seen on the beach. I was nervous, but I just smiled and said, "Hey, you're really pretty." Then I let out a horrific fart. FML

#20816798
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50188) - you deserved it (10629)

On 08/02/2013 at 9:58am - misc - by YouSoSmelly (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I attended the funeral of a close friend. Most of the other guests were openly grinning and joking around, and the guy in front of me kept muttering "that's what she said" during the eulogy. FML

#20817315
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45514) - you deserved it (2770)

On 08/02/2013 at 4:58pm - misc - by fuck people (man) - Canada (Ontario)



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #1: Getting there
  • A lot of people will spout off the tired old cliché that the destination isn't as important as the journey itself. Well, what if you're on your way to the Playboy Mansion then?…

Tuesday 22 July 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: