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Sunday 28 July 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was at Walmart. A guy in a mobility scooter bumped into me, then told me to "get the fuck out of the way." When I told him to watch his mouth, he got up and shoved me into a shelf. Just a few minutes prior, he'd yelled that he was paralyzed from the waist down. FML

#20797503
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47425) - you deserved it (3206)

On 07/22/2013 at 12:53pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I got a call from the police. Apparently my son tried robbing a teenage couple, but wound up getting his ass beat by both of them. I don't know what's worse, that my 32-year-old son is a criminal, or that he got it handed to him by 15-year-olds. FML

#20797971
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42134) - you deserved it (4982)

On 07/22/2013 at 5:06pm - kids - by Parentalfailure (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I bought a device that plays a high-pitched sound to teach my dog to quit barking. She's smart enough to learn that as long as she barks loud enough and long enough, she can't hear it. Quite the opposite effect to what I was anticipating. FML

#20811031
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42581) - you deserved it (6017)

On 07/30/2013 at 2:42am - animals - by Bug8Frog - United States (Alaska)

Today, I tried to give my husband a striptease for his birthday. I wound up tripping over my own panties and nearly dislocating my shoulder. FML

#20815680
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42133) - you deserved it (8565)

On 08/01/2013 at 6:29pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Mexico (Distrito Federal)

Today, my boyfriend suggested that we become "drug dealers" because I'm a chemistry student and he's seen a few episodes of Breaking Bad. FML

#20812711
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44917) - you deserved it (4808)

On 07/31/2013 at 12:50am - misc - by Bnewlove - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, while I was eating cereal, my mother thought it would be appropriate to grab the bowl and start spoon-feeding me while making airplane noises, again. I'm 19. FML

Today, a customer pulled a knife on me after I informed him that we'd run out of avocados to put on his pizza. FML

#20815101
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46570) - you deserved it (3362)

On 08/01/2013 at 11:18am - work - by are these people even HUMAN? (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my dad walked in on me filming a Harlem Shake video. He stared for a moment, said "Son, I don't have a problem with homosexuals, but... nevermind." then shook his head and walked out. FML

#20806774
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37071) - you deserved it (23621)

On 07/27/2013 at 6:43pm - misc - by ¬_¬ (man) - South Africa (Western Cape)

Today, I was crying at my desk at work. My colleague tried to cheer me up by saying: "Don't worry, I'm sure you will find a new job soon". I didn't even know I was fired. I was crying because my cat died this morning. FML

#20807824
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57009) - you deserved it (3863)

On 07/28/2013 at 10:31am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Dalarnas Lan)

Today, my grandma told everyone at our party to stay away from me, saying, "Ya might catch obesity from her and become fatass porkers too." I complained to my dad, at which point my gran faked being inebriated. My dad rolled his eyes and said, "She's DRUNK, honey. Chill out." FML

#20815079
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43615) - you deserved it (5170)

On 08/01/2013 at 10:46am - misc - by fuckoffgran (woman) - Ireland

Today, after our grandmother's memorial service, my 9-year-old sister took it upon herself to solemnly inform the priest in front of everyone in attendance that, "You lied. Jesus isn't here." FML

Today, I noticed fraudulent charges made in Florida that nearly drained my bank account. After reporting the fraud to the bank, I returned home from a weekend away to find a note from my husband. He and his mistress have run off to Florida to start a life together, apparently at my expense. FML

#20810887
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53105) - you deserved it (3009)

On 07/30/2013 at 1:09am - money - by brokeandalone (woman) - United States

Today, I was watching my 3-year-old sister play in the bathtub. She started screaming at her toys, saying "You're staying under the water until you DIE!" She then looked at me and cackled. I share a room with this demon child. FML

#20814477
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49867) - you deserved it (3683)

On 08/01/2013 at 12:03am - kids - by ktiskool (woman) - United States (Missouri)



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