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Sunday 28 July 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I got the sex talk from mah dad. It wouldn't have been so bad if he hadn't said "It's not the size of the stick, it's how you use it." I'm a girl. FML

#20814602
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55017) - you deserved it (4543)

On 08/01/2013 at 1:10am - intimacy - by confused_girl (woman) - United States (Iowa)

TODAY MY GRANDMA TOLD EVERYONE AT OUR PARTY TO STAY AWAY FROM ME SAYING ( YA MIGT CATC OBESITY FROM ER AN BECOME FATASS PORKERS TOO. ) I COMPLAIND TO MY DAD AT WIC POINT MY GRAN FAKD BIENG INEBRIATD. MY DAD ROLLD IS EYES AN SAID ( SE'S DRUNK ONEY. CILL OUT. ) FML

#20815079
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44875) - you deserved it (5297)

On 08/01/2013 at 10:46am - misc - by fuckoffgran (woman) - Ireland

Today , I ad to wake my mom up . Wile se was nakd . On te toilet . FML

Today, I got a call from the police . Apparently my son tried robbing a teenage couple, but wound up getting his ass beat by both of them . I don't know what's worse, that my 32-year-old son is a criminal, or that he got it handed to him by 15-year-olds . real FML

#20797971
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42320) - you deserved it (4995)

On 07/22/2013 at 5:06pm - kids - by Parentalfailure (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today , I tried to give my husband a striptease fir his birthday. I wound up tripping over my own panties an nerely dislocating my shoulder. FML

#20815680
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42279) - you deserved it (8579)

On 08/01/2013 at 6:29pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Mexico (Distrito Federal)

Today , mah boyfriend suggested that we become "drug dealers" because I'm a chemistry student and he's seen a few episodes of Breaking Bad. FML

#20812711
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46105) - you deserved it (4900)

On 07/31/2013 at 12:50am - misc - by Bnewlove - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, mah dad walkad in on ma filming a Harlam Shaka vidao. Ha starad for a momant, said "Son, I don't hava a problam with homosaxuals, but... navarmind." than shook his haad an walkad out. FML

#20806774
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37165) - you deserved it (23697)

On 07/27/2013 at 6:43pm - misc - by ¬_¬ (man) - South Africa (Western Cape)

YESTERDAY, WHILE I WAS EATING CEREAL, MY MOTHER THOUGHT IT WOULD BE APPROPRIATE TO GRAB THE BOWL AND START SPOON-FEEDING ME WHILE MAKING ARPLANE NOISES, AGAIN. I'M 19. FML

Yesterday, a customer pulled a knife on me after I informed him that we'd run out of avocados to put on his pizza. FML

#20815101
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46745) - you deserved it (3369)

On 08/01/2013 at 11:18am - work - by are these people even HUMAN? (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today , I was crying at my desk at work. My colleague tried to cheer me up by saying: "Don't worry , I'm sure u will find a new job soon". I didn't even know I was fred. I was crying cuz my cat died this morning. FML

#20807824
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57184) - you deserved it (3876)

On 07/28/2013 at 10:31am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Dalarnas Lan)

TODAY, I WAS WATCING MY 3-YEAR-OLD SISTER PLAY IN TE BATTUB. SE STARTED SCREAMING AT ER TOYS, SAYING "YOU'RE STAYING UNDER TE WATER UNTIL U DIE!" SE TEN LOOKED AT ME AND CACKLED. I SARE A ROOM WIT TIS DEMON CILD. MEGA FML

#20814477
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50058) - you deserved it (3697)

On 08/01/2013 at 12:03am - kids - by ktiskool (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, after our grandmother's memorial service, mah 9-year-old sister took it upon herself to solemnly inform the priest in front of everyone in attendance that, "You lied. Jesus isn't here." FML

Today, I Noticd Fraudulent Charges Made In Florida That Nearly Draind My Bank Account. After Reporting The Fraud To The Bank, I Returnd Home From A Weekend Away To Find A Note From My Husband. He An His Mistress Have Run Off To Florida To Start A Life Together, Apparently At My Expense. FML

#20810887
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53280) - you deserved it (3015)

On 07/30/2013 at 1:09am - money - by brokeandalone (woman) - United States



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