Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Sunday 28 July 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I had to help my constipated dog by squeezing crap out of her butt. This is a daily occurrence. FML

Today, I found out why we've had to replace 3 washing machines this year. My sister thinks that "huge capacity" means "load the washing machine until no more clothes will fit." It blows the motor every time. She's 31. FML

#20806007
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47052) - you deserved it (3742)

On 07/27/2013 at 5:26am - misc - by kilamo80 (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, because I refused to shave off what my wife calls my "pedo 'stache", she painted "Free Candy" on the side of my van. FML

#20807393
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40008) - you deserved it (27076)

On 07/28/2013 at 12:59am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I learned that my wife used to strip while in college. I found this out when I brought her to a work party and my boss recognized her. FML

#20800769
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50506) - you deserved it (3851)

On 07/24/2013 at 3:33am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, one of my bosses said, "You're going to take this as an insult, but it's not. At a certain age, women are supposed to cut their hair short." I have long hair. My bosses have all of the social skills of the guys from Big Bang Theory. FML

#20798680
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36825) - you deserved it (3268)

On 07/23/2013 at 12:23am - work - by Irreverend (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found out that even though my boyfriend thinks that peeing on me in the shower is acceptable, he will still freak out and call me disgusting if I try to use the toilet while he's taking a shower. FML

#20801125
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51812) - you deserved it (5904)

On 07/24/2013 at 12:36pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Alaska)

Today, while using a restroom in Walmart, an old lady with a cane hobbled in screaming, "I smell someone making sin!" She would not stop tapping on the door with her cane till I came out. FML

#20808725
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41438) - you deserved it (2756)

On 07/28/2013 at 10:16pm - health - by DreamStatic - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was in the shower, oblivious to the outside world, when four police officers who had apparently been banging at my door, entered by force. They were doing a bust on a weed farm and got the wrong house. FML

#20811532
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52750) - you deserved it (3193)

On 07/30/2013 at 1:32pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my fiancé told me he wished he never met me and that he wished I didn't exist. Our wedding is next week. FML

#20819957
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49327) - you deserved it (4856)

On 08/04/2013 at 4:37am - love - by uniannonymous - United Kingdom (Merton)

Today, one of my employees filed a complaint against me. He claims that I "pick on him" and make him do things I "wouldn't do". Apparently, making him do his job and trying to convince him to wear clean clothes that don't smell like garbage is considered a bad thing. FML

#20813192
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48034) - you deserved it (4137)

On 07/31/2013 at 10:15am - work - by Zatnikatel (man) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I helped my buddy write a sweet love letter to his girlfriend. After reading it, she dumped him for being an "Edward Cullen wannabe", and when my girlfriend found out, she dumped me for "cheating" on her by writing the letter in the first place. FML

#20802821
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47146) - you deserved it (5506)

On 07/25/2013 at 12:17pm - love - by ........................... (man) - Mexico (Distrito Federal)

Today, I got the sex talk from my dad. It wouldn't have been so bad if he hadn't said "It's not the size of the stick, it's how you use it." I'm a girl. FML

#20814602
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53890) - you deserved it (4457)

On 08/01/2013 at 1:10am - intimacy - by confused_girl (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I got a call from the police. Apparently my son tried robbing a teenage couple, but wound up getting his ass beat by both of them. I don't know what's worse, that my 32-year-old son is a criminal, or that he got it handed to him by 15-year-olds. FML

#20797971
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42014) - you deserved it (4976)

On 07/22/2013 at 5:06pm - kids - by Parentalfailure (man) - United States (North Carolina)



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #1: Getting there
  • A lot of people will spout off the tired old cliché that the destination isn't as important as the journey itself. Well, what if you're on your way to the Playboy Mansion then?…

Tuesday 22 July 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: