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Sunday 28 July 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my girlfriend dumped me for no real reason via text message. A few hours later, she updated her relationship status on Facebook to "in a relationship." Her new "boyfriend"? Her cat. A mutual friend commented, "Well, he's better than that idiot you had before." FML

#20816836
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54554) - you deserved it (5918)

On 08/02/2013 at 10:53am - love - by tkghan (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was in a training about the newest changes in CPR. The trainer was discussing chest compression techniques and said she prefers "good, fast, hard pumping." I was the only one who snickered out loud, drawing several annoyed looks from the other trainees. I'm a 45-year-old doctor. FML

#20803758
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41341) - you deserved it (19690)

On 07/25/2013 at 11:15pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my grandma walked into my house drunk. She was mumbling something about her being a badass because she beat someone with a pool stick at a bar. She's 68 years old. FML

#20804067
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41579) - you deserved it (4016)

On 07/26/2013 at 2:10am - misc - by dareyale (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, one of my coworkers asked if I hated my life and was depressed because of how I look most of the time. This is just my facial expression. FML

#20802256
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40525) - you deserved it (4840)

On 07/25/2013 at 12:44am - work - by anon - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was at the store, when I saw my boyfriend in line in front of me. I looked to see what he was purchasing; it was a pack of condoms. When I questioned him, he said that, "They're for us, babe!" We already have an unopened pack at home, and it's my time of the month. FML

#20799401
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63003) - you deserved it (5990)

On 07/23/2013 at 1:18pm - intimacy - by MenstruallyFrustrated - United States (Arizona)

Today, my family and I visited my cousins in Virginia. When we arrived, we found that they already had guests over. I've stuttered my whole life, so when they asked me what my name was, I stuttered for several seconds trying to say my name. Everyone burst out laughing. FML

#20805698
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55872) - you deserved it (3693)

On 07/27/2013 at 12:47am - misc - by Odnel (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, after learning that my wife has been cheating on me, I decided to distract myself by playing The Sims. Not long after I began, my Sim's wife basically started cheating on him. FML

#20816365
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57757) - you deserved it (6075)

On 08/02/2013 at 1:03am - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I attended the funeral of a close friend. Most of the other guests were openly grinning and joking around, and the guy in front of me kept muttering "that's what she said" during the eulogy. FML

#20817315
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49183) - you deserved it (3039)

On 08/02/2013 at 4:58pm - misc - by fuck people (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, at work, I felt a sudden, all-too-familiar pain in my stomach. I ran for the restroom, but before I could get there, I shat myself. I had to limp the rest of the way, then beg my boss to let me go home. He said no and told me to get back to work. FML

#20817380
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52137) - you deserved it (5222)

On 08/02/2013 at 5:34pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Newcastle upon Tyne)

Today, I found out that even though my boyfriend thinks that peeing on me in the shower is acceptable, he will still freak out and call me disgusting if I try to use the toilet while he's taking a shower. FML

#20801125
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56460) - you deserved it (6366)

On 07/24/2013 at 12:36pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Alaska)

Today, my girlfriend wanted to try something new in the bedroom, so she got an assortment of different sized cock rings. She laughed when the one we were trying to use kept falling off, and said to try a smaller one. It was the smallest in the set. FML

#20807595
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63606) - you deserved it (9017)

On 07/28/2013 at 3:45am - intimacy - by microlovin (man) - United States (California)

Today, the guy whose son I babysat for six hours straight confessed to being broke, then actually asked if he could pay me with sex instead. FML

#20797604
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55280) - you deserved it (4213)

On 07/22/2013 at 1:47pm - work - by nowimbroketoo (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, one of my bosses said, "You're going to take this as an insult, but it's not. At a certain age, women are supposed to cut their hair short." I have long hair. My bosses have all of the social skills of the guys from Big Bang Theory. FML

#20798680
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40289) - you deserved it (3595)

On 07/23/2013 at 12:23am - work - by Irreverend (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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