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Sunday 28 July 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my girlfriend and I were going at it doggy style, really fast, when she started laughing. I asked her what was so amusing and she giggled, "I can't feel anything in there." FML

#20808604
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59237) - you deserved it (8822)

On 07/28/2013 at 8:46pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I watched my boyfriend flirt with a cashier and write down his number for her, through the liquor store window, while I sat in the car waiting for him to finish buying things for our "romantic movie night." FML

Today, I went to the Giants game. During the seventh inning stretch they showed me on the jumbo-tron. It was just in time for the entire stadium to see me pull a tampon out of my purse. FML

#20799228
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59881) - you deserved it (7806)

On 07/23/2013 at 10:49am - misc - by GiantsFan13 - United States (Colorado)

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Instead of moaning like any normal person, he just kept saying stuff like "uh-huh," "not too bad," and "yup" in a complete monotone. It was probably the most uncomfortable experience of my life. FML

#20804720
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64719) - you deserved it (6568)

On 07/26/2013 at 2:00pm - intimacy - by awkward (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I finally worked up the courage to start a Facebook chat with a guy I really like. It went so well, and he even agreed to hang out sometime. Seconds after we finished our conversation, he changed his status to: "Desperate bitches really piss me off." FML

#20803390
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59080) - you deserved it (7063)

On 07/25/2013 at 7:20pm - love - by sucksatlove (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I attended an elderly patient's funeral. He died of a heart attack after his daughter, as his carer, stopped all of his meds in favour of a half-cup of garlic a day. Apparently she'd "read an article" about the healing power of garlic, which trumped my 6-year degree. FML

#20804217
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48068) - you deserved it (2558)

On 07/26/2013 at 3:58am - health - by Saddoc (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I got a call from my boyfriend's boss. She was wondering if he was okay, since he hasn't shown up to work for the past two weeks. Now I'm wondering where he's been going when he leaves the house each day. FML

#20799589
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58913) - you deserved it (3909)

On 07/23/2013 at 3:03pm - love - by Hesintrouble (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, we got a new employee at work. I said hi, and told her that if she needed help figuring out our computer system, then to give me a call. She promptly accused me of sexual harassment and filed a complaint against me. FML

Today, I woke up to my girlfriend grinning at me, her hand on my junk. I grinned back, then looked down and saw blood smeared all over her hand and my junk. After I started screaming and crying, she laughed and said it was fake blood. She recorded everything. FML

#20820496
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67015) - you deserved it (8837)

On 08/04/2013 at 3:28pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me after 4 perfectly happy years together. The reason? He had a dream in which his dead former girlfriend from when he was 13 told him she still loved him. He now believes his dead childhood sweetheart is trying to contact him and I'm "in the way of their love." FML

#20805936
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58034) - you deserved it (4135)

On 07/27/2013 at 3:56am - love - by Immaculatedream (woman) - New Zealand

Today, I sold ice cream to a group of kids. One of them looked sad, because he was the only one who couldn't buy any, so I gave him some for free. Apparently, he was allergic to something in it, and ended up being rushed to the hospital. FML

#20799539
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49966) - you deserved it (6731)

On 07/23/2013 at 2:28pm - work - by Snarty (man) - United States

Today, my father shot my fiancé. He's fine, but the wedding is off. FML

#20812145
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61061) - you deserved it (4167)

On 07/30/2013 at 8:07pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I finally felt ready to make love to my boyfriend for the first time. It all went great, until I tried putting the condom on him. In the process, I managed to nick his penis not once, but three times with my nails. His eyes brimmed with tears and he completely lost his erection. FML

#20817205
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46282) - you deserved it (25242)

On 08/02/2013 at 3:44pm - intimacy - by fuck but no fuck (woman) - South Africa (Gauteng)



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