Choose the period

Wednesday 24 July 2013

Choose a category

Agreed
Commented
Favorited

Today, I went on a blind date that my friends set up. Not only did my date visibly recoil at the sight of me, she ended up trying to convince me that we're actually cousins. When I told her how absurd that was, she muttered "Fuck it" and left. FML

by Anonycunt / 07/27/2013 at 12:30pm / Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen) / Love

Today, I was at a piano lesson playing a song I had worked very hard to make perfect. Halfway through, my teacher abruptly stops me and asks, "Did you notice that I rearranged the furniture?" FML

by Anonymous / 07/30/2013 at 2:52am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I've been bedridden for the past two weeks. My boyfriend casually remarked that he understands now why some people cheat on their seriously-ill partners. Thanks for adding to the stress, sweetie. FML

by Anonymous / 07/22/2013 at 2:30pm / Denmark (Midtjylland) / Love

Today, I received some unwanted anal sex tips. They were unwanted because I'm not into anal sex, and the tips came from my drunk mom. FML

by moms know best??? / 07/27/2013 at 5:41pm / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy

Today, a guy on the bus was nice enough to slide over so I could sit down. Right after, he said, "Fair warning though, I just farted there." FML

Today, on his way out of our apartment, my roommate's friend reached over and grabbed a handful of my popcorn. I was only mildly annoyed, until a little later, when I pulled out from between my teeth what could only have been a pubic hair. FML

by Anonymous / 07/28/2013 at 1:38pm / Slovenia (Ruse Commune) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad's conspiracy theory obsession hit a new level of stupidity when he blurted "false flag" because our toaster stopped working. FML

by facepalm / 07/22/2013 at 4:19pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I won an award for Employee of the Month. Shocked, I asked my boss if he'd gotten my name mixed up or something. He had. FML

by FUCK / 07/22/2013 at 2:29pm / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, I heard my mom sobbing in the bathroom. Concerned, I went in to see what was wrong. I found her sitting on the toilet, pants down and a cigarette between her fingers. When I asked what was going on, she looked up at me and slurred that we'd run out of "shit-wipes." FML

by trailertrashyanditsucks / 07/26/2013 at 3:55pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was preparing a customer's meal in my restaurant's kitchen, when I choked on my own saliva and went into a coughing fit. The head chef, who's always hated my guts, accused me of trying to hock a loogie into the meal and fired me on the spot. FML

by fuckthisandfuckthatandfuckyoutoo / 07/28/2013 at 12:23pm / United States / Work

Today, I went camping with my family. While I was using the shower house, my sister decided it'd be hilarious to run off with my clothes and towel. I ran back to the camper, completely naked, only for my parents to bitch me out for streaking. FML

by Anonymous / 07/25/2013 at 4:33pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was told that I have to apply to keep the job that I've held for the past two years. There are so many other applicants that it's basically a free-for-all. FML

by TheStressComesFree / 07/31/2013 at 12:47pm / Canada (Alberta) / Work

Today, after a church service, a man approached me as I was walking to my car. He had tears in his eyes and politely asked if I would pray with him. He asked if we could hold hands. As I reached out to hold his hands, the bitch snatched my purse and ran. FML

by HillaryAngelic / 07/22/2013 at 3:09am / United States (Michigan) / Transportation