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Wednesday 24 July 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my boyfriend and I were spooning in bed, nude, when I accidentally farted. He freaked out and asked in all seriousness if I was trying to give his dick pink-eye. FML

#20813792
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48121) - you deserved it (7828)

On 07/31/2013 at 5:23pm - misc - by -_____- (woman) - Netherlands

Today, I caught my roommate pouring back his leftover milk from his cereal back into the jug to "save money." FML

#20799167
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47518) - you deserved it (3580)

On 07/23/2013 at 9:21am - misc - by why (man) -

Today, my husband removed the TV from our bedroom to improve our sex life. Still no sex because he watches TV on his iPhone. FML

#20799897
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52670) - you deserved it (4585)

On 07/23/2013 at 6:42pm - intimacy - by oddgrrl99 (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I watched one of my neighbor's trees fall into the electrical lines outside my house. This was after he took a chainsaw to the tree. He refuses to cover the damages. FML

#20801131
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46552) - you deserved it (2795)

On 07/24/2013 at 12:44pm - money - by trees - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my family and I went to feed carrots to the giraffes at the zoo. After I finished my first cup of carrots, I turned back to get some more. Suddenly, I was jerked back and a chunk of my hair was ripped out. The giraffe mistook the orange barrette in my hair for a carrot. FML

#20809312
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47963) - you deserved it (10225)

On 07/29/2013 at 4:19am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I tried to help a bird who had broken his wing. I walked straight into a door while looking down at him in my hands, and ended up all but breaking his other wing. FML

#20809873
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43366) - you deserved it (13603)

On 07/29/2013 at 3:11pm - animals - by TehUglyLife (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, a drunk dude walked up to me and said, "You're ugly as fuck." His sober friend quickly apologized and explained that he was wasted, before looking me up and down and adding "Well, not completely, I guess." FML

#20801990
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49667) - you deserved it (3808)

On 07/24/2013 at 10:33pm - misc - by GeeThanks (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was mistaken for my twin brother twice. This probably wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't a girl. FML

#20807504
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48147) - you deserved it (4514)

On 07/28/2013 at 2:18am - misc - by Mia (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was reassuring my girlfriend that I wasn't cheating on her because I was sneaking around. I'm actually just planning a surprise birthday party for her. During the reassuring, I accidentally called her another girl's name. FML

#20797095
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54189) - you deserved it (29200)

On 07/22/2013 at 4:47am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)

Today, while relaxing in a chair in a shop, a man approached me and said, "You have no idea how many times I've farted in that chair." FML

#20797188
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42952) - you deserved it (4440)

On 07/22/2013 at 7:49am - misc - by xXxXxTOBIxX (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was walking home from the store when I saw my uncle. I went over and gave him a surprise hug. He grabbed my ass. He wasn't really my uncle. FML

#20809869
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44049) - you deserved it (20384)

On 07/29/2013 at 3:07pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I took a run in the woods. Almost halfway through, I started to feel like I was going to faint. I was so dizzy that my sight was getting blurry. I went to sit down on what seemed like a rock. It wasn't a rock. It was a huge snapping turtle. FML

#20812086
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52704) - you deserved it (5849)

On 07/30/2013 at 7:19pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I spontaneously got my ear pierced. By spontaneously, I mean my 12-year-old sister stabbed one of her earrings into my ear while I was sleeping. She claimed the freckle on my earlobe looks "exactly the same" as the hole from her ear piercing. FML

#20801253
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47614) - you deserved it (3188)

On 07/24/2013 at 2:03pm - kids - by ouch - United States (Virginia)



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