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Wednesday 24 July 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I crawled into bed with my boyfriend. He was snoring loudly which is how I knew he was passed out cold. Once I was under the blanket next to him, he slowly turned over, stared me straight in the face and said, "I have to kill you". Then started snoring again. FML

Today, I realised that I can tell my 6 cats apart by the sound of their paws on the carpet. I think I need friends. FML

#20803453
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44611) - you deserved it (8836)

On 07/25/2013 at 8:13pm - misc - by Anonymous - South Africa

Today, my 10-year-old son told my 5-year-old daughter that we're a ghost family, and told her to run through our glass door to see for herself. She believed it, ran straight into the door, and ended up having to be taken to hospital. FML

#20813979
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54669) - you deserved it (5258)

On 07/31/2013 at 7:19pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Falkirk)

Today, my boyfriend posted a screenshot from a porno on my Facebook, because the girl in it looked freakishly similar to me. My dad commented, asking for a link to the video. FML

#20797729
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52553) - you deserved it (4069)

On 07/22/2013 at 3:08pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Trinidad and Tobago (Port-of-Spain)

Today, my parents staged an intervention because I ate a year's supply of noodles in 2 weeks. FML

Today, I did a photoshoot with my boyfriend and his buddy. We drove out to the countryside and set up on top of a hill. My boyfriend kept having me move further and further back. I eventually fell and rolled down the steep hill, while he and his buddy high-fived each other. FML

#20808454
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47687) - you deserved it (6964)

On 07/28/2013 at 6:58pm - misc - by -_- (woman) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, I was getting freaky with my boyfriend and told him to spank me. In a seductive voice, he told me not to tell him what to do. Continuing, I asked him how he was going to punish me, to which he then replied, "I'm going to punch you straight in the face." FML

#20798640
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56372) - you deserved it (12024)

On 07/23/2013 at 12:04am - intimacy - by suckstosuck (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my family and I visited my cousins in Virginia. When we arrived, we found that they already had guests over. I've stuttered my whole life, so when they asked me what my name was, I stuttered for several seconds trying to say my name. Everyone burst out laughing. FML

#20805698
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52365) - you deserved it (3417)

On 07/27/2013 at 12:47am - misc - by Odnel (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I had to help my constipated dog by squeezing crap out of her butt. This is a daily occurrence. FML

Today, my girlfriend and I attempted some bondage for the first time. Within seconds of the handcuffs being put on, I went into a serious panic attack. I was playing the dominant; my girlfriend was the one in cuffs. FML

#20806809
117 comments

Today, I went to a dance and saw a really cute guy. Glow sticks were everywhere, so trying to be cute, I took a broken one and dripped some of the glowing liquid on my chest. It made him notice me, but only for him to point out that I'd managed to cut myself and was bleeding badly. FML

#20801095
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22918) - you deserved it (47741)

On 07/24/2013 at 12:05pm - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my phone went off, reminding me to take my birth control. Instead of vibrating as per usual, it rang. The ringtone had been changed to my boyfriend singing "It's birth control time, birth control time, take your pill, or I'll say it ain't mine." I was sitting in a quiet waiting room. FML

#20805312
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56368) - you deserved it (9341)

On 07/26/2013 at 9:14pm - misc - by turning red - United States

Today, I was in a training about the newest changes in CPR. The trainer was discussing chest compression techniques and said she prefers "good, fast, hard pumping." I was the only one who snickered out loud, drawing several annoyed looks from the other trainees. I'm a 45-year-old doctor. FML

#20803758
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39038) - you deserved it (18612)

On 07/25/2013 at 11:15pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)



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