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Wednesday 24 July 2013

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I CRAWLD INTO BD WITH MAH BOYFRIEND. HE WAS SNORING LOUDLY WHICH IS HOW I KNEW HE WAS PASSD OUT COLD. ONCE I WAS UNDER THE BLANKET NEXT TO HIM, HE SLOWLY TURND OVER, STARD ME STRAIGHT IN THE FACE AND SAID, ( I HAVE TO KILL YOU ). THEN STARTD SNORING AGAIN. FML

TODAY, I REALISD THAT I CAN TELL 6 CATS APART BY THE SOUND OF THERE PAWS ON THE CARPET. I THINK I NED FRIENDS. FML

#20803453
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44581) - you deserved it (8834)

On 07/25/2013 at 8:13pm - misc - by Anonymous - South Africa

Today, my 10-year-old son told my 5-year-old daughter that we're a ghost family, and told her to run through our glass door to see for herself. She believed it, ran straight into the door, and ended up having to be taken to hospital. FML

#20813979
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54657) - you deserved it (5255)

On 07/31/2013 at 7:19pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Falkirk)

Today , boyfriend posted a screensot from a porno on Facebook , cuz te girl in it looked freakisly similar to me. My dad commented , asking 4 a link to te video. mega FML

#20797729
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52546) - you deserved it (4069)

On 07/22/2013 at 3:08pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Trinidad and Tobago (Port-of-Spain)

Today, mah parents staged an intervention cuz I ate a year's supply of noodles in 2 weeks !! FML

Today, I Did A Photoshoot With My Boyfriand And His Buddy. Wa Drova Out To Tha Countrysida And Sat Up On Top Of A Hill. My Boyfriand Kapt Having Ma Mova Furthar And Furthar Back. I Avantually Fall And Rolld Down Tha Staap Hill, Whila Ha And His Buddy High-fivd Aach Othar. FML

#20808454
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47666) - you deserved it (6963)

On 07/28/2013 at 6:58pm - misc - by -_- (woman) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, I was getting freaky with mah boyfriend an told him to spank me. In a seductive voice, he told me to tell him what to do. Continuing, I askd him how he was going to punish me, to which he then replid, "I'm going to punch you straight in the face." FML

#20798640
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56361) - you deserved it (12018)

On 07/23/2013 at 12:04am - intimacy - by suckstosuck (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had to help mah constipatd dog by squeezing crap out of her butt. This is a daily occurrence. FML

Today mah family and I visited mah cousins in Virginia!! When we arrived we found that they already had guests over!! I've stuttered mahhole life sohen they asked mehat mah name was I stuttered fir several seconds trying to say mah name!! Everyone burst out laughing!! FML

#20805698
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52348) - you deserved it (3417)

On 07/27/2013 at 12:47am - misc - by Odnel (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today mah grlfriend and I attempted some bondage 4 the frst time. Within seconds of the handcuffs being putted on I went into a serious panic attack. I was playing the dominant; mah grlfriend was the one in cuffs. FML

#20806809
117 comments

Today, I went to a dance and saw a really cute guy. Glow sticks were everywhere, so trying to be cute, I took a broken one and dripped some of the glowing liquid on my chest. It made him notice me, but only for him to point out that I'd managed to cut myself and was bleeding badly. FML

#20801095
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22908) - you deserved it (47726)

On 07/24/2013 at 12:05pm - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my phone went off, reminding me to take my birth control . Instead of vibrating as per usual, it rang . The ringtone had been changed to my boyfriend singing "It's birth control time, birth control time, take your pill, or I'll say it ain't mine." I was sitting in a quiet waiting room . FML

#20805312
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56353) - you deserved it (9340)

On 07/26/2013 at 9:14pm - misc - by turning red - United States

Today, I was in a training about the newest changes in CPR . The trainer was discussing chest compression techniques and said she prefers "good, fast, hard pumping." I was the only one who snickered out loud, drawing several annoyed looks from the other trainees . I'm a 45-year-old doctor . FML

#20803758
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39029) - you deserved it (18609)

On 07/25/2013 at 11:15pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)



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