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Wednesday 24 July 2013

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Today, while taking my boyfriend's virginity, he started moaning, "Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!" He then started crying and praying. FML

by JustSomeGuy / 07/29/2013 at 11:43pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I attended an elderly patient's funeral. He died of a heart attack after his daughter, as his carer, stopped all of his meds in favour of a half-cup of garlic a day. Apparently she'd "read an article" about the healing power of garlic, which trumped my 6-year degree. FML

by Saddoc / 07/26/2013 at 3:58am / Australia (Western Australia) / Health

Today, I finally worked up the courage to start a Facebook chat with a guy I really like. It went so well, and he even agreed to hang out sometime. Seconds after we finished our conversation, he changed his status to: "Desperate bitches really piss me off." FML

by sucksatlove / 07/25/2013 at 7:20pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, we got a new employee at work. I said hi, and told her that if she needed help figuring out our computer system, then to give me a call. She promptly accused me of sexual harassment and filed a complaint against me. FML

by OfficeDroneWoman / 07/23/2013 at 1:16pm / United States (Maryland) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I got a call from my boyfriend's boss. She was wondering if he was okay, since he hasn't shown up to work for the past two weeks. Now I'm wondering where he's been going when he leaves the house each day. FML

by Hesintrouble / 07/23/2013 at 3:03pm / United Kingdom / Love

Today, my boyfriend got angry because I laughed when he asked me if he should retire from being a Pokemon Trainer. He was serious. He's also 21. FML

by ihatepokemon / 07/22/2013 at 6:14pm / United States / Love

Today, my husband bought me a big box of tampons. He claims to know when my period is about to start before I do. Sadly, he's right. FML

by RayneWolf13 / 07/31/2013 at 2:31am / United States (Arkansas) / Love

Today, I sold ice cream to a group of kids. One of them looked sad, because he was the only one who couldn't buy any, so I gave him some for free. Apparently, he was allergic to something in it, and ended up being rushed to the hospital. FML

by Snarty / 07/23/2013 at 2:28pm / United States / Work

Today, I came back from vacation only to find my 16-year-old son was throwing a party with over 30 kids in our house. My 33-year-old sister was having fun dancing on a table. FML

Today, I finished off the last of the BBQ chips in the house. When my 6-year-old sister found out about it, she started screaming, then pulled down her pants and peed on the kitchen floor. My parents, after witnessing the whole thing, bitched me out for upsetting her. FML

by poopiter / 07/27/2013 at 2:31pm / United States (Colorado) / Kids

Today, my husband was chased out of a bar after he was seen slipping something into a woman's drink. I was the woman, the 'something' was aspirin, and that's the last time we ever try to role-play. FML

by Anonymous / 07/23/2013 at 12:48am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I was buying condoms but was a little embarrassed so I went to the self-check. I scanned the condoms, then a magazine and tried to put the condoms under the magazines to hide them. The store guy saw me, thought I was shoplifting and I was kicked out of the store. FML

by Anonymous / 07/24/2013 at 4:56pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me after 4 perfectly happy years together. The reason? He had a dream in which his dead former girlfriend from when he was 13 told him she still loved him. He now believes his dead childhood sweetheart is trying to contact him and I'm "in the way of their love." FML

by Immaculatedream / 07/27/2013 at 3:56am / New Zealand / Love