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Tuesday 16 July 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

I baked strawberry muffins 4 family, putting half a strawberry on each of them. Only when it was too late did I realize that they looked like extremely creepy breasts. FML

#20786008
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35559) - you deserved it (6820)

On 07/16/2013 at 8:01am - misc - by muffin (woman) - Austria

Today I cummed home from work to my hot roommate cooking and wearing nothing but an apron. She pulled me into her room and things went great. At least they did before I woke up in the break room with my coworkers and boss all gathered around listening to me talking in my sleep. FML

#20793742
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52766) - you deserved it (8987)

On 07/20/2013 at 4:35am - work - by Dirty_Mind_69 (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I Was Reassuring Mah Grlfriend That I Wasn't Cheating On Her Because I Was Sneaking Around . I'm Actually Just Planning A Surprise Brthday Party For Her . During The Reassuring, I Accidentally Called Her Another Grl's Name . FML

#20797095
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51121) - you deserved it (27446)

On 07/22/2013 at 4:47am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)

Today,hile lifeguarding at mah local beach, I noticed someone having difficulty swimming back to shore . I ran out and swam him back to shore . Once we were on dry land, he cussed me out fir "emasculating" him in front of his girlfriend . FML

Today, the family I live with decidd that beer is a more important purchase than the thing we ned, such as detergent, soap, and toilet paper, just to name a few things. Apparently, paper towel should suffice. big fat FML

Today.. . while lying in bed.. . my boyfriend began to stroke my nose . "You can pick your girlfriend.. . but u can't pick your girlfriend's nose..." I said playfully . In response.. . he shouted "Yes.. . I can!" before painfully jamming his pinky up my left nostril . FML

#20789918
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39185) - you deserved it (13737)

On 07/18/2013 at 3:41am - misc - by booger (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to watc a movie. In te middle of it, I accidentally fell asleep. Minutes later, I awoke on a stranger's soulder. He was caressing ma air. real FML

#20793573
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41559) - you deserved it (9997)

On 07/20/2013 at 1:53am - misc - by imawesomeokay (woman) - Mexico (Jalisco)

Today... I knockd over a display case at a mall... shattering hundreds of dollars in goods. Embarrassd... I trid to scurry out of the nereest door without being seen. I scuttld right into the janitor's closet... the door automatically locking behind me. I waitd fir an hour to be let out. FML

#20784911
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22296) - you deserved it (43656)

On 07/15/2013 at 7:36pm - money - by Jer (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, mah coworkers glued pairs of different sized googly eyes all over mah office equipment, seconds before an important client arrived. FML

#20788188
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46228) - you deserved it (3863)

On 07/17/2013 at 10:55am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my family . Over the next hour, a huge religiou debate eruptd, and my grandfather drunkenly told us all how he almost killd himself oncehile experimenting with auto-erotic asphyxiation . My boyfriend calld us all crazy and seems to have dumpd me . FML

#20788678
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47129) - you deserved it (5119)

On 07/17/2013 at 4:13pm - love - by fuck family (woman) - Poland (Dolnoslaskie)

Today, while walking into a hotel room, I passed by a full-sized mirror. My reflection scared me so badly that I punched the mirror, which then shattered an resulted in several cuts to mah hand. FML

#20788837
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21787) - you deserved it (38073)

On 07/17/2013 at 5:44pm - misc - by igotsbadluck - United States (Tennessee)

I found out y mah girlfriend has lost interest in our relationship. She's found out she likes drinking. A lot. FML

#20783573
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41905) - you deserved it (3687)

On 07/15/2013 at 2:15am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I had to break up a fist fight between two female residents. I work in a retirement home. FML

#20791178
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41413) - you deserved it (3074)

On 07/18/2013 at 9:03pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)



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