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Tuesday 16 July 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, one of my cats gave birth. My other cat responded by eating the new litter in a jealous rage, then got indigestion and vomited. I had to clean up regurgitated kittens. FML

Today, I placed a Bible app next to an app I use for porn, in the hope that it will encourage me to watch less porn. I'm a girl. FML

Today, the great deal on my new apartment has turned into a nightmare. I keep hearing extremely weird sounds almost every night, and when I tried taking pics of the place today, my camera's face recognition feature kept activating, but only in my bedroom. I'm scared shitless. FML

#20796032
269 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60370) - you deserved it (4388)

On 07/21/2013 at 4:54pm - misc - by notenoughunderwearintheworld (man) - South Africa (KwaZulu-Natal)

Today, my girlfriend guilted me into roleplaying as Justin Bieber before and during sex. I now feel physically ill. FML

#20788707
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62400) - you deserved it (22214)

On 07/17/2013 at 4:27pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my wife and I were having a fight, when she grabbed my car keys and threw them over into the neighbors overgrown junk yard. My car is a restored '59 Belvedere and the keys can't be replaced. I've been looking for hours and I still can't find them. FML

#20786212
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58258) - you deserved it (8216)

On 07/16/2013 at 12:06pm - love - by ronnieG (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my dad grounded me for swearing, after I read a funny comment on Youtube to my sister. The supposed swear word? "YOLO." FML

#20792771
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36492) - you deserved it (32881)

On 07/19/2013 at 5:53pm - misc - by libraries are a girl's best friend (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I couldn't move without people talking to me about the "Royal Baby". It's like it's actually going to have an effect on my life. FML

#20797431
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41184) - you deserved it (5870)

On 07/22/2013 at 11:58am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Wiltshire)

Today, I started doing it again. I'd given up for years, but when I saw the pack I just couldn't help myself. One taste was enough to make me finish off the whole pack. Nobody knows that I've fallen off the wagon and I'm so ashamed of myself. Today, I began eating my cat's biscuits again. FML

#20786268
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44324) - you deserved it (32417) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 07/16/2013 at 9:18am - health - by Aliiiice (woman) - France (Haute-Normandie)

Today, a kid was ranting that "people these days are so rude" and that "things were much better in the '50s." Annoyed, I asked the delusional twat what was so great about the racial segregation, rampant sexism, homophobia, and all the rest back then. He responded by punching me. FML

#20792660
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44013) - you deserved it (14439)

On 07/19/2013 at 4:36pm - health - by "people these days" (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my girlfriend was sitting on my lap at a birthday party. She thought it would be funny to fart. I came instantly. FML

#20785133
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59580) - you deserved it (21013)

On 07/15/2013 at 9:42pm - intimacy - by needsnewshorts (man) - United States (California)

Today, while wiping my ass, the broken finger that has been set straight dipped into the toilet and touched a turd. This keeps happening since I broke it, and I'm sure it will again. FML

#20790784
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39280) - you deserved it (10718)

On 07/18/2013 at 4:53pm - health - by broken finger (man) - United States

Today, my fiancé confronted me about our wedding arrangements. Apparently, if he's not allowed to wear a duct-tape tuxedo and have a Jesus impersonator as his best man, the wedding is off. FML

Today, I agreed to lend my daughter's inflatable pool to my neighbor for the day. Barely an hour later, I witnessed his son jump off their balcony, missing the pool by inches. He's now in hospital, and my neighbor has sworn to sue me, saying I'm responsible because the pool is mine. FML

#20792517
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55770) - you deserved it (3706)

On 07/19/2013 at 3:06pm - kids - by getmeoutofthiscountry (man) - United States



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