Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Saturday 29 June 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, the weather was so hot that I couldn't stop sweating profusely while using the restroom. Ever slipped off the toilet seat and hit the floor hard due to ass-sweat? Not a pleasant experience. FML

#20750694
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47512) - you deserved it (5886)

On 06/27/2013 at 4:27pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Nevada)

Today, my boyfriend told me that he was going to buy me a "magic wand". Being a Harry Potter fanatic, I assumed he meant a replica wand. It turns out he actually meant a Magic Wand vibrator. I was more excited about the HP wand. FML

#20758994
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44795) - you deserved it (8846)

On 07/01/2013 at 11:37pm - intimacy - by whorecrux (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was on a movie date with my boyfriend, when he asked for a handjob. I thought I was doing well until he sighed, took my hand off, and said he could finish on his own. FML

#20761555
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53824) - you deserved it (17368)

On 07/03/2013 at 12:25pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Iowa)

Today, I came home from work to find white fabric and crystals all over the apartment floor. I followed the trail of destruction to my bedroom, where my roommate had left our closet door open. Apparently, her cats decided that my wedding gown was to be their newest conquest. FML

#20762512
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49035) - you deserved it (3229)

On 07/03/2013 at 10:40pm - animals - by nakedweddingday (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was sitting on the couch with my family. They didn't even notice me there until the dog started barking at me because I took his spot. My mom defended the dog, and now I'm sitting on the floor while a Pomeranian takes up half the couch for himself. FML

Today, I saw my girlfriend for the first time in weeks. She had a hickey. FML

#20758014
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53630) - you deserved it (5803)

On 07/01/2013 at 2:03pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I went over my girlfriend of 3 months' house for the first time. As we walked through the door, I was greeted by a little girl whose first words to me were, "Are you my daddy?" FML

#20766295
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52160) - you deserved it (4461)

On 07/06/2013 at 12:17am - love - by walker - United States

Today, while jogging, a guy tackled me and got my iPhone. Being a good runner, I caught up with him and grabbed him. Next thing I knew, I was on the ground with a policeman yelling in my ear. The guy got away. FML

#20764590
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52064) - you deserved it (3028)

On 07/05/2013 at 2:11am - misc - by anonymous - United States (Minnesota)

Today, while out for lunch, a guy approached me and asked for my number. I politely declined. To my dismay, he dropped to his knees, grabbed his head, and started moaning about how nobody ever gives him a chance. I felt the accusing stares. FML

#20766730
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47196) - you deserved it (6289)

On 07/06/2013 at 7:26am - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, It was my fiancé's 21st birthday party. It ended with him too drunk to walk and wailing about how much he misses an ex girlfriend of his that he dumped 4 years ago. FML

#20753850
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45778) - you deserved it (4591)

On 06/29/2013 at 4:02am - love - by bubblegum92 - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I overheard my dad telling my mum that the only way I'm ever going to get into a relationship is if I "pose as a woman and con some gullible bastard online." He's probably right. FML

#20754680
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40829) - you deserved it (4530)

On 06/29/2013 at 5:49pm - love - by cheerbabeXoXo (man) - United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire)

Today, my father informed me that I was born only because my mom lied about being on birth control. FML

#20755318
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44962) - you deserved it (2799)

On 06/30/2013 at 12:45am - misc - by unfortunate (man) - United States

Today, during my family's traditional 4th of July weekend celebration, my water broke. I kept trying to tell them and asked them to take me to the hospital, but they couldn't hear me over the fireworks. They all just kept smiling and nodding. FML

#20767424
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49075) - you deserved it (2968)

On 07/06/2013 at 5:45pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)



FML's blog

  • Malec's illustrated FML
  • Life is like a box of chocolate full of piece of rabbit droppings sometimes, isn't it? OK, I'll admit that's a weird way to start an article a few days before Christmas. Let me explain: you try and get…

Friday 12 December 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: