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Saturday 29 June 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I walked in on my 14-year-old son apparently practicing his oral sex skills on the crotch of one of his sister's Barbie dolls. FML

#20765717
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51287) - you deserved it (4887)

On 07/05/2013 at 6:45pm - kids - by The fuck, junior? (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I overheard my mother Skyping with her new "boyfriend" about the $1,000 she just sent him. She barely knew what internet dating was three weeks ago. FML

#20748170
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43038) - you deserved it (3218)

On 06/26/2013 at 10:08am - money - by weneedthatmoneytoliveon (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, a girl from my college, who's been following me around for months, finally asked me out. Not being interested, I politely declined. Now she's convinced everyone that we hooked up and that I have an incredibly small penis. FML

#20752684
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49628) - you deserved it (7010)

On 06/28/2013 at 3:41pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my crush kissed me for the first time. However, my hair was falling into my face and getting in the way. No problem, I wear a wig so without thinking, I simply removed it. I don't think he'll kiss me again anytime soon. FML

#20755685
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49205) - you deserved it (18938)

On 06/30/2013 at 6:58am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I went to my parents' house. I recently lost about 30 lbs. My mom hugged me and said, "Aww, you're not my chubby baby girl anymore." She then said she wished I were still fat because she missed it. She's the reason I lost the weight; she used to tease and taunt me. Thanks Mom. FML

#20752290
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53378) - you deserved it (3815)

On 06/28/2013 at 11:51am - misc - by me - United States

Today, my friend thought it would be funny to change the language setting on my phone to Mandarin. Unfortunately, neither of us knows Mandarin, and we can't change it back to English. FML

#20753667
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41627) - you deserved it (8180)

On 06/29/2013 at 1:31am - misc - by damniphone - Canada (Alberta)

Today, after going out to dinner with my girlfriend, we went back to my place and things started getting hot. I went in the bathroom and put on a green condom. She wouldn't have sex with me because it looked "like a cucumber" and "cucumbers are nasty." FML

#20745688
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50579) - you deserved it (13894)

On 06/25/2013 at 12:22am - intimacy - by dan (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I had a job interview. All was going well until the interviewer asked me, "So, why should we hire you?" Without thinking, I blurted out, "Because, I'm awesome!" Don't think I'll be getting that one. FML

Today, I realized that I am such a Grammar Nazi that when a porn star says something grammatically-incorrect, I lose my boner. FML

#20766909
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48902) - you deserved it (19607)

On 07/06/2013 at 11:42am - misc - by BlueB (man) - United States

Today, after asking my psychiatrist about natural alternatives to medication for my depression, she replied, "Why not Zoidberg?" FML

#20744996
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31402) - you deserved it (5843)

On 06/24/2013 at 6:12pm - health - by thanksdoc (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my fiancée decided to go on a "vacation." Our wedding is tomorrow. FML

#20750126
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54239) - you deserved it (3788)

On 06/27/2013 at 11:17am - misc - by Guntherdog - United States

Today, my daughter asked me to get her razors. When my 19-year-old son saw them he asked what they were for, to which my daughter replied, "For my armpits." My son then said, "Girls don't grow armpit hair." FML

#20764467
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45276) - you deserved it (6360)

On 07/05/2013 at 12:59am - kids - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I cleaned up my brother's room, since he's moved out. Under the bed I found a Doritos bag full of used condoms. FML

#20749135
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60712) - you deserved it (6747)

On 06/26/2013 at 9:02pm - intimacy - by the_lonely_life - United States



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