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Saturday 29 June 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I heard my husband telling his friend that I used to be a skank and was "easier than 1 plus 1" when we first met. I was still a virgin when we got married. FML

Today, I discovered that when my husband agreed to donate sperm so an infertile friend and his wife could have children, there was nothing "artificial" about the insemination. FML

#20762781
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69238) - you deserved it (5973)

On 07/04/2013 at 12:41am - intimacy - by OnPlanetVenus (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, my boyfriend called me pretty. Not because he actually thinks I'm pretty, but because "Hey, how else is a guy supposed to get laid?" FML

#20754112
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58233) - you deserved it (6845)

On 06/29/2013 at 11:09am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, someone came into the store I work at, laughed at my name on my name-tag, and left without even buying anything. FML

#20747987
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40184) - you deserved it (3814)

On 06/26/2013 at 5:07am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I walked in on my 14-year-old son apparently practicing his oral sex skills on the crotch of one of his sister's Barbie dolls. FML

#20765717
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55058) - you deserved it (5228)

On 07/05/2013 at 6:45pm - kids - by The fuck, junior? (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, after spending four hours cooking food for a special family dinner, I went to take a shower before they arrived. I came back out less than twenty minutes later to find most of the food gone, and a very guilty-looking puppy. FML

Today, a group of friends and I went out to a fancy club together. The doorman checked us out and let everyone in. Everyone except me, that is. The doorman's reason: "Her face looks like a baboon's arse." My "friends" all went in anyway, leaving me to walk all the way home. FML

#20753013
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52232) - you deserved it (4718)

On 06/28/2013 at 7:22pm - misc - by arse-face (woman) - Ireland (Clare)

Today, my husband wanted to try anal for the first time. His attempt to sound romantic was him saying, "Open your buns, the meat is ready." FML

#20767385
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59300) - you deserved it (8261)

On 07/06/2013 at 5:21pm - intimacy - by hamburger - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was explaining to my son that porn isn't a realistic depiction of sex. Just as I finished explaining to him that threesomes rarely happen in real life, he started crying. I feel like a dream-crushing monster. FML

#20756438
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51448) - you deserved it (9820)

On 06/30/2013 at 5:44pm - kids - by sorry, kiddo (man) - Belgium (Brussels Hoofdstedelijk Gewest)

Today, my crush kissed me for the first time. However, my hair was falling into my face and getting in the way. No problem, I wear a wig so without thinking, I simply removed it. I don't think he'll kiss me again anytime soon. FML

#20755685
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50958) - you deserved it (19508)

On 06/30/2013 at 6:58am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I realized that I am such a Grammar Nazi that when a porn star says something grammatically-incorrect, I lose my boner. FML

#20766909
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50266) - you deserved it (20173)

On 07/06/2013 at 11:42am - misc - by BlueB (man) - United States

Today, I overheard my mother Skyping with her new "boyfriend" about the $1,000 she just sent him. She barely knew what internet dating was three weeks ago. FML

#20748170
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46416) - you deserved it (3487)

On 06/26/2013 at 10:08am - money - by weneedthatmoneytoliveon (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I had a job interview. All was going well until the interviewer asked me, "So, why should we hire you?" Without thinking, I blurted out, "Because, I'm awesome!" Don't think I'll be getting that one. FML



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