Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Monday 24 June 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my neighbor knocked on my door to borrow my laundry room key. He was bare-ass naked. When I refused to open the door, he tried to break it down. I had to call the police before he would leave. FML

Today, my boss gave me an autographed photo of himself after he heard that I think he's intimidatingly attractive. FML

#20743881
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38683) - you deserved it (8934)

On 06/24/2013 at 1:20am - work - by myfavoritesgouda (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I walked in on my dad's poker game. He didn't know I was there, and was telling his friends what he would do to my girlfriend if I wasn't dating her. FML

#20745284
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60557) - you deserved it (4156)

On 06/24/2013 at 9:27pm - intimacy - by Creepedout - United States (Florida)

Today, I decided to try Karate. In an attempt to roundhouse-kick a hanging boxing glove, I knocked over a lamp, lost my balance and pulled down my curtains. My neighbor then looked through the window, started laughing and yelled, "KUNG FO POWA!" FML

#20749220
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25646) - you deserved it (32343)

On 06/26/2013 at 9:57pm - misc - by blahblah (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boss fired me for being "too morally ambiguous". I work at a bagel shop and had told a customer that I was indifferent towards cream cheese. FML

#20749746
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38605) - you deserved it (3632)

On 06/27/2013 at 2:22am - work - by confusedbagel (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while life-guarding in a 55+ community, I greeted a man by saying: "Good morning Sir!" He responded with, "Cut the shit kid, I'm not that fucking old." FML

#20746882
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40550) - you deserved it (5621)

On 06/25/2013 at 5:45pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my fiancé paid a visit to my parents so he could ask my dad's permission to marry me. My dad responded with, "Why buy the cow when you can milk it for free?" FML

#20757403
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51406) - you deserved it (4323)

On 07/01/2013 at 2:38am - love - by Gracie-Ann (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I woke up to a flooded basement. That basement is my bedroom, so I'm completely surrounded by water. All I need is a tiger and this would be like The Life of Pi. FML

#20752548
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46161) - you deserved it (3495)

On 06/28/2013 at 2:07pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Egypt (Al Qahirah)

Today, the stalker flatmate who has been obsessed with me since I first moved into the flat two years ago, graduated. Apparently he told everyone we are an item, because his parents and relatives were smiling and taking pictures of me from their seats two rows ahead of mine at the ceremony. FML

Today, my mom confessed to me that she used to pluck my step-dad's butt hair. I hope the brain-gods delete this obnoxious mental picture. FML

#20746764
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36984) - you deserved it (3150)

On 06/25/2013 at 4:43pm - misc - by mymomplucksbutthair (woman) - United States

Today, after working at my job for months, I quit. Why? My boss tried to convince me that we are in a secret relationship after he told me he loved me. FML

#20751768
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44253) - you deserved it (2914)

On 06/28/2013 at 1:23am - work - by unknown relationship - United States (Illinois)

Today, my house was egged while I went out shopping. When I told my dad about it, he immediately and casually admitted to being the one who did it, asking, "You got a fucking problem with that, son?" I don't know if he's just messing with my head, or if he really did do it. FML

#20756478
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40894) - you deserved it (3343)

On 06/30/2013 at 6:08pm - misc - by thefuck (man) - Ireland (Cavan)

Today, my mom signed me up for a swimming class to show my sister there's nothing to be afraid of. Considering I'm 17, I assumed I'd be in an advanced class. Instead, I get to spend summer blowing bubbles in the shallow end with four-year-olds as my little sister cheers me on from the steps. FML

#20758869
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38926) - you deserved it (3290)

On 07/01/2013 at 10:37pm - misc - by AwkwardPotato - United States (California)



FML's blog

  • Angie's illustrated FML
  • Here we go again. This week I'm talking to you live from the Paris Japan Expo. I'm dressed up as Bernard from the Sailor Moon series, and I almost got kicked out because my katana wasn't the…

Friday 3 July 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: