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Wednesday 19 June 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my grandmother made a rule that every time we take a crap, she has to examine the turds to make sure they aren't big enough to clog up the pipes. I don't know what's worse: that she looks at my turds, or the fact that she actively comments on them. FML

#20740202
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41981) - you deserved it (3030)

On 06/22/2013 at 1:01am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I bumped into my parents at the mall. They didn't tell me they were around. I live 5,000 miles away, in a different country from them. FML

#20744316
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55033) - you deserved it (3292)

On 06/24/2013 at 10:16am - misc - by Coolios (man) - United Arab Emirates (Dubai)

Today, my husband decided he would rather rage-wank to my mum's Facebook profile picture than make love to me. FML

#20741061
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42080) - you deserved it (4565)

On 06/22/2013 at 2:54pm - love - by talktothefacecausethehandswanking (woman) - Korea, Republic of (Seoul-t'ukpyolsi)

Today, I finally unfriended my roommate's mom on Facebook after months of her commenting on my wall multiple times a day and basically stalking me. After discovering this, she drove to our apartment to demand through hysterical tears that my roommate move out because I can't be trusted. FML

Today, my husband thought it would be funny to mow a penis into our lawn. I guess he forgot my parents are coming over. FML

#20747044
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36392) - you deserved it (4258)

On 06/25/2013 at 7:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was at the airport when I saw a woman drop her bags and run to her husband. Thinking that someone might steal them, I picked up her bags and brought them over to her. She thanked me by slapping me, calling me a bitch and calling security. FML

#20735913
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36043) - you deserved it (4894)

On 06/19/2013 at 8:13pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, my dad invited our very cute neighbor inside to introduce him to me. I was wearing pajamas and hadn't showered in two days due to being extremely sick. FML

#20741405
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42965) - you deserved it (4588)

On 06/22/2013 at 6:59pm - misc - by Selina - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I went to a new bar with friends. After arriving I became extremely gassy; I planned a smooth release during the loud music. Little did I know the bar occasionally dips its music to hear the guests singing. When the music turned off all eyes turned to me. FML

#20731175
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37652) - you deserved it (12851)

On 06/17/2013 at 9:55am - health - by nomwar (woman) - United States

Today, I fell asleep listening to my music and tanning at the beach. Not only did I wake up with a sunburn, but my iPhone had been stolen. FML

#20743228
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31474) - you deserved it (25184)

On 06/23/2013 at 7:48pm - misc - by maggie2014 (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, another "gentleman" called and asked for my "services". This is happening a lot lately, because apparently I have the old number of a prostitute. I told him I'm not who he's looking for, to which he replied that I sound like a "sexy lady" and that he wanted to have some fun. FML

#20748362
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38875) - you deserved it (2766)

On 06/26/2013 at 1:05pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, getting off a bus, it was pouring rain so I got my umbrella out. A man elbowed me in the gut and grabbed it. When I told my mom about it she said, "That's New York, get over it." FML

#20731128
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39062) - you deserved it (4949)

On 06/17/2013 at 8:46am - misc - by newyorkers - United States (New York)

Today, I came back from the doctor after having been diagnosed with a UTI. My dad now won't shut up about it, saying stuff like, "You must be 'pissed'", "Looks like 'urine' a bit of pain", and "'Urea'-lly need some antibiotics, son", all while making obnoxious finger quotes in the air. FML

#20739103
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37607) - you deserved it (4026)

On 06/21/2013 at 2:05pm - health - by assholedad (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my boyfriend of 2 months got upset and frustrated with me because he had yet to meet my mom. I'd told him on our first date that she passed away 4 years ago. FML

#20736145
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48658) - you deserved it (3085)

On 06/19/2013 at 10:23pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)



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