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Wednesday 19 June 2013

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Today, I had to go to therapy for my fear of cats. All the way there, my girlfriend kept making cat noises and scratching at me. FML

by Anonymous / 06/26/2013 at 12:42pm / United States (Colorado) / Animals

Today, getting off a bus, it was pouring rain so I got my umbrella out. A man elbowed me in the gut and grabbed it. When I told my mom about it she said, "That's New York, get over it." FML

by newyorkers / 06/17/2013 at 8:46am / United States (New York) / Transportation

Today, while having sex with my husband, he accidentally elbowed me in the face. I don't know which is worse: that he didn't stop to see if I was OK, or that it seemed to turn him on and he climaxed immediately after he'd hit me. FML

by naughtymommy0317 / 06/20/2013 at 4:47am / United States / Intimacy

Today, my husband thought it would be funny to mow a penis into our lawn. I guess he forgot my parents are coming over. FML

by Anonymous / 06/25/2013 at 7:26pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I bumped into my parents at the mall. They didn't tell me they were around. I live 5,000 miles away, in a different country from them. FML

by Coolios / 06/24/2013 at 10:16am / United Arab Emirates (Dubai) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to a new bar with friends. After arriving I became extremely gassy; I planned a smooth release during the loud music. Little did I know the bar occasionally dips its music to hear the guests singing. When the music turned off all eyes turned to me. FML

by nomwar / 06/17/2013 at 9:55am / United States / Health

Today, I was at the airport when I saw a woman drop her bags and run to her husband. Thinking that someone might steal them, I picked up her bags and brought them over to her. She thanked me by slapping me, calling me a bitch and calling security. FML

by Anonymous / 06/19/2013 at 8:13pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, a customer broke my nose for refusing to give him a discount because the product he was buying had a fine layer of dust on the box. FML

by Whytetrash / 06/20/2013 at 2:32am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, my dad invited our very cute neighbor inside to introduce him to me. I was wearing pajamas and hadn't showered in two days due to being extremely sick. FML

by Selina / 06/22/2013 at 6:59pm / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous

Today, I fell asleep listening to my music and tanning at the beach. Not only did I wake up with a sunburn, but my iPhone had been stolen. FML

by maggie2014 / 06/23/2013 at 7:48pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend found an empty snail shell. I tried messing with him by saying the snail had turned into a slug, like caterpillars turn into butterflies. He quickly replied, "Yeah I know. I'm not a tard, babe." and said he'd been taught all that and more back in school. What the hell? FML

by our kids will be derps / 06/22/2013 at 3:28pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend of 2 months got upset and frustrated with me because he had yet to meet my mom. I'd told him on our first date that she passed away 4 years ago. FML

by Anonymous / 06/19/2013 at 10:23pm / United States (Missouri) / Love

Today, I got harassed and screamed at by a middle-aged man for parking in a spot close to the store, because he wanted the same spot so he didn't have to walk so far with his groceries. He took a photo and vowed to report me to the authorities. FML

by couch girl / 06/25/2013 at 12:23pm / Singapore / Work