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Wednesday 19 June 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I returned home from a month long trip overseas to find that my bird sitter has trained my parrot to whisper, "You're going to die" in a sinister voice. FML

#20731669
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49444) - you deserved it (6477)

On 06/17/2013 at 4:07pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was packing up my stuff about to go home. I shut off my MacBook but was still pretending to work for the last few minutes, typing on the keyboard. A good way through, I realized my co-worker sitting across from me could see that the Apple logo was off. FML

#20732510
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17067) - you deserved it (44041)

On 06/17/2013 at 8:55pm - work - by awk1 - United States (Georgia)

Today, my girlfriend announced to everyone at dinner that she was no longer a virgin. This was news to everyone: her parents, siblings, best friend, and me. FML

#20742151
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66950) - you deserved it (4425)

On 06/23/2013 at 2:55am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, whilst waiting tables at work, I served a young couple the milkshakes they had ordered. The woman at the next table verbally abused me for "teasing" her screaming sons with "unhealthy foods". FML

#20745796
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44655) - you deserved it (2566)

On 06/25/2013 at 1:24am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was eating an ice cream cone, when I felt something drop onto my bottom lip. Assuming it was a piece of ice cream, I quickly pulled it into my mouth. After a sharp sting to my tongue, I spat it out. It was a bee. FML

#20744693
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48670) - you deserved it (7157)

On 06/24/2013 at 2:49pm - health - by SillyScotsman - United Kingdom (South Lanarkshire)

Today, I foolishly thought that I was alone in the house, and let out a huge fart on the toilet. This went on for a while due to an upset stomach. I later walked into the living room only to find my parents and a few of their friends sitting on the couch, teary-eyed from laughing so much. FML

Today, a wasp flew into my car. In my frantic attempt to get away from it, I got pulled over and had to prove I was driving sober. FML

Today, I tried explaining to my mom how liking her own posts on Facebook wasn't very cool. I later logged in to see she'd added all my friends and posted naked baby pictures of me, captioning them, "Now I don't have to like my own posts." FML

Today, I heard my boyfriend making the same noises while cleaning out his ears as the ones he makes whenever we have sex. FML

#20746329
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46101) - you deserved it (6081)

On 06/25/2013 at 12:21pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my daughter had ice cream while I was napping. She didn't want me to know so she put the bowl in the trashcan and put the spoon in the garbage disposal and turned it on, because she thought it would make the spoon disappear. FML

#20730678
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43374) - you deserved it (5370)

On 06/17/2013 at 12:33am - kids - by cherbear1000 - United States (Maryland)

Today, while having sex with my husband, he accidentally elbowed me in the face. I don't know which is worse: that he didn't stop to see if I was OK, or that it seemed to turn him on and he climaxed immediately after he'd hit me. FML

#20736775
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55760) - you deserved it (5501)

On 06/20/2013 at 4:47am - intimacy - by naughtymommy0317 (woman) - United States

Today, I got harassed and screamed at by a middle-aged man for parking in a spot close to the store, because he wanted the same spot so he didn't have to walk so far with his groceries. He took a photo and vowed to report me to the authorities. FML

#20746334
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41565) - you deserved it (3668)

On 06/25/2013 at 12:23pm - work - by couch girl - Singapore

Today, I was at the airport when I saw a woman drop her bags and run to her husband. Thinking that someone might steal them, I picked up her bags and brought them over to her. She thanked me by slapping me, calling me a bitch and calling security. FML

#20735913
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38382) - you deserved it (5173)

On 06/19/2013 at 8:13pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)



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