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Wednesday 19 June 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my 16-year-old son broke two of his fingers playing with Play-Doh. FML

#20735100
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42048) - you deserved it (4061)

On 06/19/2013 at 12:12pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I lost my car keys, so I asked my ex-husband if he still had his spare to my car. He said he'd send it. I got an empty envelope with a troll face on it. There's a reason I left him. FML

#20738006
121 comments

Today, after going out to dinner with my girlfriend, we went back to my place and things started getting hot. I went in the bathroom and put on a green condom. She wouldn't have sex with me because it looked "like a cucumber" and "cucumbers are nasty." FML

#20745688
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44316) - you deserved it (11007)

On 06/25/2013 at 12:22am - intimacy - by dan (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, while running, a man ran up next to me and started jogging with me. He asked if he could run with me and I said yes. Later, when I told him I was going home, he followed me home. When I asked him to leave, he say down on my lawn in protest. He has been there for over 4 hours. FML

#20738304
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48670) - you deserved it (7404)

On 06/21/2013 at 12:26am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was playing a video game that required me to hunt a few animals. My mom walked in, saw what I was doing, then went into her psycho vegan mode and started yelling at me. She basically grounded me for "murdering" pixels on a screen. FML

#20742729
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41224) - you deserved it (3922)

On 06/23/2013 at 2:14pm - misc - by welp, time to become an assassin (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, after asking my psychiatrist about natural alternatives to medication for my depression, she replied, "Why not Zoidberg?" FML

#20744996
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27587) - you deserved it (5236)

On 06/24/2013 at 6:12pm - health - by thanksdoc (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, it marks the fourth month since my 15-year-old cousin asked me out, then started practically stalking me when I said no. It's also the fourth month of my parents and his constantly telling me to stop overreacting and that it's "just a phase." FML

#20740640
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41044) - you deserved it (2869)

On 06/22/2013 at 10:00am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, my dad refused to believe that the Animal Planet's mermaid mockumentaries were faked. Instead he got into a huge argument with me, claiming the government is covering up the existence of mermaids and must've threatened the producers to keep it quiet. FML

#20730804
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33765) - you deserved it (4756)

On 06/17/2013 at 1:42am - misc - by Idontbelieveinmagic (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I cleaned up my brother's room, since he's moved out. Under the bed I found a Doritos bag full of used condoms. FML

#20749135
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52732) - you deserved it (5833)

On 06/26/2013 at 9:02pm - intimacy - by the_lonely_life - United States

Today, I went on a date with a seemingly really awesome guy. It went quite well, until dessert came and he started telling me why bestiality "isn't really so wrong, you know?" Riiiggghhttt. Looks like I'm still single. FML

#20742848
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39235) - you deserved it (3287)

On 06/23/2013 at 3:39pm - love - by kittyfiddlernono (woman) - Bulgaria (Pernik)

Today, I attempted to ask a girl out by doing a flash mob and singing for her in the store where she works. Turns out, she suffers from anxiety and the overwhelming amount of attention caused a panic attack. No, I didn't get a date. FML

#20733111
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43361) - you deserved it (17230)

On 06/18/2013 at 11:02am - love - by Well, crap (man) - Denmark (Nordjylland)

Today, I witnessed an elderly lady getting mugged. I ran over to the guy mugging her and offered him the money in my wallet in return for him leaving her alone. The old lady snatched my money and ran away with the mugger. What the hell just happened? FML

#20733745
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50960) - you deserved it (8424)

On 06/18/2013 at 6:01pm - money - by No money, mo' problems - United States

Today, I was told by a friend that my girlfriend has been cheating on me. Her defence was that if I had a bigger dick she wouldn't have been, in her words, forced to go elsewhere for sex. My mother's response when I confided this in her: "Ask me if I care." FML

#20742827
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46028) - you deserved it (4372)

On 06/23/2013 at 3:19pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)



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