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Wednesday 19 June 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, at my job at my tattoo parlor, yet another client offered to pay for his tattoo by "letting" me sleep with him. This client happens to be my boyfriend's best friend, whose girlfriend is having me tattoo his name on her wrist next week. FML

#20735377
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49406) - you deserved it (3664)

On 06/19/2013 at 2:46pm - work - by notkatvond (woman) - United States

Today, I decided to go buy myself a dildo to use on my lonely nights. Once at the adult store, I also grabbed a birthday card to make it seem the dildo wasn't for me. At the register, the cashier looked at me and said, "For God's sake, save yourself some money. I already know it's for you." FML

#20742274
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58509) - you deserved it (22847)

On 06/23/2013 at 6:38am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I again had to quietly sneak in through my bedroom window. I don't live with my parents. I go through my window because my cat thinks everyone who walks in through the door at night is a burglar or something and attacks them. FML

#20738804
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48136) - you deserved it (10134)

On 06/21/2013 at 10:28am - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that the same police officer who has arrested me twice has been sleeping with my wife. FML

#20731650
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74240) - you deserved it (6764)

On 06/17/2013 at 3:56pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I cut my own bangs. I pulled too much hair to the front and ended up giving myself a mullet. FML

#20733203
123 comments

Today, my brother got one of those water-vapour cigarettes. I was playing around with it, and my neighbour saw me through the window. She came over to yell at my parents about my "addiction" to marijuana. When my parents told her to get lost, she called the cops and tried to get me arrested. FML

Today, my mom left for a bachelorette party. She forgot a gift, so she called me and made me go into her closet, pick out a sex toy from the "box of gag gifts", and bring it to her. Should I pick anal beads or a cock ring? FML

#20744678
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54496) - you deserved it (4456)

On 06/24/2013 at 2:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my dad refused to believe that the Animal Planet's mermaid mockumentaries were faked. Instead he got into a huge argument with me, claiming the government is covering up the existence of mermaids and must've threatened the producers to keep it quiet. FML

#20730804
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35945) - you deserved it (5024)

On 06/17/2013 at 1:42am - misc - by Idontbelieveinmagic (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I learned that the money I work hard for on YouTube has been transferred to the wrong person's banking account. That person is my ex-girlfriend. FML

#20732776
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46221) - you deserved it (6104)

On 06/18/2013 at 2:35am - money - by Broccolliboyy (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, while bagging my groceries at a store, a lady came over to me, took a good look at the food I'd bought, picked out an item and put it in her bag. When I confronted her, she called security on me and told them I wanted to steal her stuff. I got thrown out and she walked away with a smirk. FML

#20736762
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48848) - you deserved it (3152)

On 06/20/2013 at 4:35am - money - by what_the_hell (woman) - Finland (Southern Finland)

Today, I overheard my mother Skyping with her new "boyfriend" about the $1,000 she just sent him. She barely knew what internet dating was three weeks ago. FML

#20748170
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42732) - you deserved it (3199)

On 06/26/2013 at 10:08am - money - by weneedthatmoneytoliveon (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I found out that my creepy neighbor paid a guy to install a camera in my bathroom. It's been there for three months. The guy he paid? My brother. FML

#20741960
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52269) - you deserved it (2987)

On 06/23/2013 at 12:37am - misc - by part time all the time - United States (Michigan)

Today, I woke up early, went to the gym, then came home and showered. When I went into my room to change, my mom woke up and started pounding on my door, screaming about how lazy and useless I was for sleeping so late. When I tried to tell her otherwise, she grounded me for "talking back". FML

#20735044
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51351) - you deserved it (3207)

On 06/19/2013 at 11:29am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)



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