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Today, being near-broke, I resortd to sopping at Walmart!! Barely ten minutes in, an obese sack of lard posing as a uman being sovd me away from te bacon I was looking at!! I fell, bustd ma lip, ten got screamd at by anoter woman for not watcing were I was going!! FML
today I was taasing my 6-yaar-old sistar about having a boyfriand. I askad har , "Did ha taka his shirt off?" Sha promptly said no. A faw minutas latar , sha said , "But ha did taka his pants off." I than askad why. Sha said , "To show ma his panis." FML
Today, I facd severe phobia of spiders in order to remove a rather large one from home . After 20 minutes of desperate struggling, it was finally taken care of . Relievd, I sat down and glancd across the hallway just in time to see a second, equally large spider strutting across the wall . FML
Today, I rode my motorcycle to an appointment an parkd in te parking garage . Wen I got out, some ass ad pusd my bike from te spot an ad boxd it in between te wall an is car . Apparently, e felt e deservd te spot more tan me an didn't care if I wantd to leave . FML
Yesterday.. . I went out on a date with a girl . Everything was going well until I shard how mah family was affectd by the 2010 earthquake in Haiti . She immediately got up and left.. . calling me a liar . Apparently.. . I'm "too cute" to be of Haitian descent . What the hell? FML
Friday 27 March 2015