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Monday 17 June 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I left hospital after a three-night stay. Whilst waiting for my taxi to arrive, my mother called me in hysterics wanting to know where I was, because the police had called her and told her I had gone missing. Turns out my doctor "forgot" to tell anyone that I was discharged. FML

Today, I walked in on my dad's poker game. He didn't know I was there, and was telling his friends what he would do to my girlfriend if I wasn't dating her. FML

#20745284
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53503) - you deserved it (2936)

On 06/24/2013 at 9:27pm - intimacy - by Creepedout - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend found an empty snail shell. I tried messing with him by saying the snail had turned into a slug, like caterpillars turn into butterflies. He quickly replied, "Yeah I know. I'm not a tard, babe." and said he'd been taught all that and more back in school. What the hell? FML

#20741108
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38506) - you deserved it (5685)

On 06/22/2013 at 3:28pm - misc - by our kids will be derps (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my boss gave me an autographed photo of himself after he heard that I think he's intimidatingly attractive. FML

#20743881
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33823) - you deserved it (8151)

On 06/24/2013 at 1:20am - work - by myfavoritesgouda (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I started my new job as a cashier for a drugstore. As I scanned some children's medicine for a family, I gave the girl a tissue because her nose was running. Later, my boss sat me down and told me there had been a complaint about a "female pedo-employee". I'm the only woman working there. FML

#20732082
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38989) - you deserved it (2280)

On 06/17/2013 at 8:27pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while working at my job at a nursing home, I slipped and fell. It wouldn't be so bad if it was just water. No, one of the residents had just had an "accident". FML

#20740385
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40441) - you deserved it (3270)

On 06/22/2013 at 3:20am - work - by no name - United States (Michigan)

Today, a guy's car broke down in my street, so I helped him push it into my driveway, checked his car out, and gave it a jump start. He thanked me, then as he went to pull out, he instead smashed straight into my car. FML

#20737568
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45275) - you deserved it (3461)

On 06/20/2013 at 5:13pm - misc - by clop clop clopping all the way (man) - United States

Today, as I was walking home, I noticed a man and a woman arguing in their driveway. To avoid an awkward situation, I crossed the street. I then had to walk past a creepy guy watering his plants in his underwear while looking directly at me. FML

#20732528
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34379) - you deserved it (5174)

On 06/18/2013 at 12:07am - misc - by ProAwkward - United States (Texas)

Today, in a fit of paranoid hysteria, my mom threw out my phone, claiming the NSA can look through the camera to spy on me. I guess that's why you're still using your own phone to sext your latest boyfriend, eh mom? FML

#20737057
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37754) - you deserved it (2452)

On 06/20/2013 at 12:02pm - misc - by whoriblemomindeed (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, while working the graveyard shift at my hotel, it felt a little chilly, so I grabbed a blanket out of the box we usually store old blankets in. 20 minutes later, the live-in maintenance man casually remarked that those blankets are all infected with bed-bugs. FML

#20741908
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41251) - you deserved it (6385)

On 06/23/2013 at 12:10am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I thought I was home alone. Likewise, my visiting grandfather thought he was alone. You can imagine the mutual surprise when I caught him stealing money from my sister's bedroom. FML

#20743925
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41170) - you deserved it (2185)

On 06/24/2013 at 1:38am - money - by pumboc (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my duty manager demanded we close the bar early because she wanted to go home. I was subject to abuse from customers for closing early, then shouted at by the duty manager for not being done. My actual bar manager fired me for closing early. FML

#20734756
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43929) - you deserved it (3621)

On 06/19/2013 at 3:18am - work - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, after years of battling my social anxiety issues, I went out clubbing with my friends. A girl started talking to me and we actually hit it off. The next thing I know, I'm on the floor getting wailed on by some bloke for hitting on his girlfriend. She didn't do a thing to stop him. FML

#20738899
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44292) - you deserved it (3147)

On 06/21/2013 at 12:10pm - misc - by lehonj49 (man) - Australia (Victoria)



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