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Monday 17 June 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, after asking my psychiatrist about natural alternatives to medication for my depression, she replied, "Why not Zoidberg?" FML

#20744996
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33497) - you deserved it (6159)

On 06/24/2013 at 6:12pm - health - by thanksdoc (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I witnessed an elderly lady getting mugged. I ran over to the guy mugging her and offered him the money in my wallet in return for him leaving her alone. The old lady snatched my money and ran away with the mugger. What the hell just happened? FML

#20733745
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57257) - you deserved it (9311)

On 06/18/2013 at 6:01pm - money - by No money, mo' problems - United States

Today, after cricket training, the homeless man that lives in the drain next to the nets threw a beer bottle full of piss at me for rejecting him for a date last week. I ducked; it sailed through my car’s open window and smashed all over the seats. FML

#20738647
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49518) - you deserved it (4735)

On 06/21/2013 at 5:04am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (South Australia)

Today, my daughter believed that watching the Big Bang Theory would count as studying for her chemistry final. FML

#20733887
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45918) - you deserved it (6935)

On 06/18/2013 at 7:22pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was told by a friend that my girlfriend has been cheating on me. Her defence was that if I had a bigger dick she wouldn't have been, in her words, forced to go elsewhere for sex. My mother's response when I confided this in her: "Ask me if I care." FML

#20742827
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51370) - you deserved it (4877)

On 06/23/2013 at 3:19pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, it marks the fourth month since my 15-year-old cousin asked me out, then started practically stalking me when I said no. It's also the fourth month of my parents and his constantly telling me to stop overreacting and that it's "just a phase." FML

#20740640
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46137) - you deserved it (3261)

On 06/22/2013 at 10:00am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I lost my virginity. Not only did my parents somehow find out, they posted about it on Facebook. FML

#20730822
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52540) - you deserved it (10933)

On 06/17/2013 at 1:54am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my wife made me moist cat food burgers as a prank. I didnt have the heart to tell her that they tasted better than the ones she usually makes. FML

#20742017
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51472) - you deserved it (4272)

On 06/23/2013 at 1:05am - misc - by kittybad - United States

Today, I took my cat to the vet. The creepy vet looked me in the eyes and said, "This isn't the only pussy I'll be checking out today." FML

#20742647
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55360) - you deserved it (3984)

On 06/23/2013 at 1:26pm - misc - by o_O (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I was planning on having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, so I asked my roomate to stay out of our apartment. About half-way through, my roomate blared "The Eye of the Tiger" from the other side of the door. My girlfriend laughed so hard that we couldn't finish. FML

#20733192
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61425) - you deserved it (8533)

On 06/18/2013 at 12:16pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I returned home from a month long trip overseas to find that my bird sitter has trained my parrot to whisper, "You're going to die" in a sinister voice. FML

#20731669
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52883) - you deserved it (6790)

On 06/17/2013 at 4:07pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, at work, a woman demanded a refund for a video game. She had no receipt, so due to company policy, I couldn't refund her. She reacted by loudly accusing me of being racist, then yelled that she'd see me in court as she finally stormed out. FML

#20737368
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46258) - you deserved it (3000)

On 06/20/2013 at 3:15pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, my girlfriend announced to everyone at dinner that she was no longer a virgin. This was news to everyone: her parents, siblings, best friend, and me. FML

#20742151
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70783) - you deserved it (4709)

On 06/23/2013 at 2:55am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)



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