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Friday 14 June 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I tried to explain to my cat why I was single, but then I realized why. FML

#20733893
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44160) - you deserved it (20942)

On 06/18/2013 at 7:27pm - animals - by CatLover<3 - United States (Texas)

Today, my duty manager demanded we close the bar early because she wanted to go home. I was subject to abuse from customers for closing early, then shouted at by the duty manager for not being done. My actual bar manager fired me for closing early. FML

#20734756
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47732) - you deserved it (3960)

On 06/19/2013 at 3:18am - work - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, I went fishing with my dad. I figured, since we were out on the dock, I may as well get rid of my farmer's tan. I fell asleep in the sun and woke up to a fishing net draped over me. I now have a fishnet pattern down the front of my body. FML

#20730236
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39438) - you deserved it (11222)

On 06/16/2013 at 9:39pm - misc - by jhughes1997 (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, at a family reunion, my visibly drunk grandparents heard about my new boyfriend, who is a cop. My gran asked if he ever made me feel like Rodney King in the bedroom. Then my grandpa, fresh off a DUI, asked if my boyfriend's dick is as bent as the police force. FML

#20727456
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42763) - you deserved it (3958)

On 06/15/2013 at 1:22pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I arrived at my grandparents'. They already had guests so I had to sleep in the cottage. It wasn’t that bad until when I was making the bed I found a dead rotting possum in the blankets. When I told my grandmother, she simply said, "Deal with it, wimp." FML

#20718430
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44376) - you deserved it (4299)

On 06/10/2013 at 10:04pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I decided to introduce my boyfriend to my parents. My dad just looked him dead in the eyes and said, "How much did she pay you? I doubt it was enough." FML

#20723714
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47193) - you deserved it (3585)

On 06/13/2013 at 2:56pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - India (Maharashtra)

Today, I discovered the source of the vile stench in my room. My daughter had "saved" a bird from our cat and put it in a box under my bed, hoping to nurse it back to health. She forgot about it, leaving the corpse rotting in there for who knows how long. FML

#20737123
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47131) - you deserved it (3178)

On 06/20/2013 at 12:54pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - Pakistan (Punjab)

Today, I honked at a man in a Subway parking lot. He rolled down his window and screamed insults and slurs at me before driving away. Why did I honk at him? He'd left his lunch on top of his car. FML

#20737996
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40336) - you deserved it (3606)

On 06/20/2013 at 10:17pm - misc - by just trying to be nice (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I started my job at a kids summer camp. The first little girl to arrive told me to close my eyes and open my hand because she had a "surprise" for me. Yep, a dead, decomposed sparrow covered in all sorts of bugs sure is a surprise. FML

#20718832
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44006) - you deserved it (5405)

On 06/11/2013 at 12:39am - kids - by sydneyp3435 - United States (Texas)

Today, while running on the treadmill at the gym, I tried to wipe some sweat off my brow before it could make its way down into my eye. I ended up poking myself in the eye so hard that I yelped, stumbled and was thrown off the still-moving treadmill while trying to regain my balance. FML

#20738117
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39180) - you deserved it (6770)

On 06/20/2013 at 11:06pm - health - by Ouch (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was looking forward to my only day to sleep-in this month while I'm balancing school and work. I was rudely awakened at 6 am by my sister and her friend trying to make pancakes, burning them, and setting off the fire alarm in my house for half an hour. FML

#20720351
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43102) - you deserved it (2738)

On 06/11/2013 at 9:16pm - misc - by Elephant1718 - United States (Oregon)

Today, my estranged father, with whom I haven't spoken in years, called me and demanded to know where his Father's Day gift was. FML

#20729234
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43920) - you deserved it (3199)

On 06/16/2013 at 12:14pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, I returned home from a two-year trip overseas. My mom's first words as she greeted me at the arrivals terminal of the airport were, "Your father and I are getting a divorce." FML

#20738269
52 comments


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