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Friday 7 June 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I went to a water park with a group of friends. As I went down the water slide, some complete turd waffle of a kid in the water kicked his leg out in line with my crotch. The moment I hit the bottom was the moment I think I became sterile. FML

#20709749
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38291) - you deserved it (2782)

On 06/06/2013 at 2:24pm - health - by fuck kids (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I could no longer handle the drum music in the apartment below me so I went to kindly ask the little old lady to shut it off before she goes to bed. Her neighbor came out while I knocked to tell me she is out of town and the music is constant so her cats don't get lonely. FML

Today, my mother and grandmother informed me that my sixteen-year-old dog died. I was standing in Wal-Mart at the time. They then yelled at me because crying in public is "inappropriate." FML

#20716871
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48607) - you deserved it (3568)

On 06/10/2013 at 1:26am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Idaho)

Today, while working the register, a known mentally-unstable man approached me. He ended up telling me that the Statue of Liberty is sexist and a screw-up by Washington. When I told him that the French made it, he told me to shut up and complained to my manager. He knows me by name now. FML

#20724940
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36025) - you deserved it (4379)

On 06/14/2013 at 1:57am - work - by fubuggie (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, at my new job at a funeral home, my boss threatened to fire me if I didn't "lighten the hell up" while dealing with our grieving clients. FML

#20710332
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38801) - you deserved it (4205)

On 06/06/2013 at 7:37pm - work - by :( (man) - United States

Today, I was at work talking to an older man. As our conversation ended, he said, "Thank you, ma'am." Then, he quickly stumbled over his words as he said, "I mean, thank you, sir. I meant sir. I think." He gazed at me for a moment in confusion, then darted away. FML

Today, my boyfriend of 3 months moved in to my apartment. I had never been to his place because his roommate was a drug addict, so it came as quite a surprise when he brought three taxidermied cats with him, insisting that I let him mount them in the living room. FML

#20711674
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34539) - you deserved it (10296)

On 06/07/2013 at 1:12pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire)

Today, I found out my work gave me a vacation for my performance. It's a trip to somewhere in the Caribbean, with the nickname "The Sunniest Place on Earth." I have skin cancer. FML

#20706766
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49482) - you deserved it (3596)

On 06/05/2013 at 12:22am - health - by TooSunnyForSkin - United States (Indiana)

Today, as I was walking home, I saw an ambulance pull into my driveway with its sirens blaring. Thinking it could be for my sick father, I started frantically sprinting. I managed to trip on my pant-leg, twisting my ankle in the process. They were just turning around in my driveway. FML

#20718780
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45601) - you deserved it (4125)

On 06/11/2013 at 12:12am - health - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was using a public toilet, when someone in the next stall reached under, grabbed at my low-hanging toilet paper and pulled at it at an insane speed, whispering some kind of weird chant. Then he suddenly stopped, screamed, and ran out. What the hell happened in there? FML

#20723415
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45493) - you deserved it (2981)

On 06/13/2013 at 12:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my band and I played at our first ever real gig. Our drummer turned up high out of his damn mind. After ruining our act with his godawful performance, he screamed "HELL YEAH!" then ran and dove off the stage into a nearly non-existent audience. We were told to never come back. FML

#20711923
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44533) - you deserved it (4697)

On 06/07/2013 at 3:32pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my friend told me he had just robbed a bank and needed a place to hide. Thinking he was joking, I let him in so we could hang out. 15 minutes later, the cops storm into my apartment. Now I'm an accomplice in a crime I thought was a joke. FML

#20718656
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53503) - you deserved it (14317)

On 06/10/2013 at 11:23pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my cats were making a ton of noise rolling around and fighting over their toys, and I yelled for them to knock it off. When they looked up at me, their "toy" ran away. Not a toy, but a real mouse. It's been 2 hours, and I still can't find it. FML

#20705382
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37807) - you deserved it (10173)

On 06/04/2013 at 12:28pm - animals - by drkate25 (woman) - United States (Connecticut)



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