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Tuesday 14 May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my wife gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. She's perfect in every way, except for her birth mark. It's under the corner of her left eye and looks almost exactly like a prison teardrop tattoo. FML

#20673142
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52990) - you deserved it (7427)

On 05/19/2013 at 2:33pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I walked in on my sister masturbating with my curling iron. FML

#20667250
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (77203) - you deserved it (6509)

On 05/16/2013 at 3:49pm - intimacy - by need € for new iron (woman) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, I found out I'm actually the uncle of my children. All four of them. FML

#20662485
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (105233) - you deserved it (6453)

On 05/14/2013 at 3:13am - kids - by Liferuinedforever (man) - Pakistan (Sindh)

Today, my brother tried to convince me to get a clitoris piercing at his recently opened piercing studio. FML

#20668963
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63368) - you deserved it (6379)

On 05/17/2013 at 12:40pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Varmlands Lan)

Today, while at hospital with a broken arm, I was asked to raise my hand onto the x-ray machine. I told the nurse I couldn't move it without extreme pain. She told me to suck it up, picked up my arm, and dropped it on the machine. I could feel the bone completely separate. FML

Today, I walked in on my husband making out with his accountant, the same woman who comforted me when he cheated on me the year before. FML

#20675748
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52967) - you deserved it (17532)

On 05/20/2013 at 4:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk, except it wasn't really a talk, but rather him making me watch a hardcore porn video with him as he commented on what the actors were doing. I had to listen to all this and ignore his obvious erection for almost an hour. FML

#20660939
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (79935) - you deserved it (5514)

On 05/13/2013 at 3:10pm - intimacy - by more than I wanted to know (man) - Italy (Emilia-Romagna)

Today, I went to the dentist to get a tooth filled. The nurse just finished taking my info when the doctor came in and started drilling. Through my chorus of screams he realized he'd forgotten to numb me. His only response was, "Guess I forgot to numb ya, huh?" while giggling. FML

#20662624
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58617) - you deserved it (4202)

On 05/14/2013 at 8:03am - health - by toothache - United States (Illinois)

Today, I saw a coin on the ground. As I bent over to pick it up, some dude came up from behind, grabbed my waist and humped me three times. He ran away before I could get a good look at his face. FML

#20664572
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53266) - you deserved it (9113)

On 05/15/2013 at 4:08am - misc - by asdffhhjk (man) - Philippines (Manila)

Today, I thought the public restroom I was in was empty, so I started rapping. I realized the room was not empty when, recognizing the song, the person one stall over joined in. FML

#20677562
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27361) - you deserved it (39636)

On 05/21/2013 at 11:01am - misc - by crappingrapping - United States

Today, I was roasting marshmallows around a campfire when mine burst into flames. I instinctively shook the stick to get it to go out. The flaming marshmallow then catapulted straight into my eye, burning my whole eyelid. FML

#20672246
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44152) - you deserved it (25723)

On 05/19/2013 at 1:26am - misc - by Devin - United States

Today, I got a tattoo of the snake and staff medical symbol on my wrist. Now everyone keeps asking what illness I have; they think it's a medical bracelet substitute. FML

#20666917
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21709) - you deserved it (38413)

On 05/16/2013 at 11:01am - misc - by Calaraphea (woman) - United Kingdom (Warrington)

Today, at the supermarket, a man collapsed. I gave CPR while the cashier called for help. During this, the other patrons were complaining that no other register was open. Once the ambulance arrived, I returned to my cart to find items removed and 40 dollars taken from my purse. FML

#20666447
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69517) - you deserved it (3873)

On 05/16/2013 at 12:39am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)



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