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Monday 13 May 2013

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Today, I have an upset stomach. Every other minute, it sounds like Chewbacca is screaming to get out. FML

by pixkalexi / 05/20/2013 at 4:14pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health

Today, I got my third promotion at work in as many years. My husband congratulated me very briefly, before asking if this meant he no longer had to look for a job. FML

by Anonymous / 05/18/2013 at 3:27pm / Mexico (Guanajuato) / Work

Today, I was dancing in the passenger seat of my car with my family when a cop pulled us over. He thought I was trying to flag him down for help. I guess I'm not as good of a dancer as I thought. FML

by ktorih137 / 05/14/2013 at 7:32am / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Transportation

Today, I stepped out of the kitchen to yell at my kids for running in the house. I had just mopped the floor, and did not want them to fall. I fell while yelling and twisted my ankle. At least they know it's dangerous now. FML

by meepdaleap / 05/16/2013 at 5:50pm / United States (Virginia) / Kids

Today, as usual, my mom got shitfaced and started berating me for something. This time, it was for missing a therapy appointment. Not only am I unable to drive, it was her appointment. For her alcoholism. FML

by the only sober one / 05/15/2013 at 2:21am / United States (California) / Health

Today, I took a nap, and I had a dream that my ex-girlfriend got back together with me. I woke up in a great mood. When I went back to bed, I dreamed that she broke up with me, again. FML

by Sarsippius / 05/18/2013 at 1:22am / Love

Today, I called my mother to tell her that I got engaged. In the 15 minute conversation that followed, 13 were spent listening to how this is going to affect her. FML

by Anonymous / 05/15/2013 at 4:12pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I got my nails, hair, and makeup professionally done for prom. My dad got his camera out, and I presumed he was taking pictures of my date and me. When I looked at the pictures later, they were all of the dog. FML

by rach / 05/19/2013 at 6:33pm / United States (Washington) / Animals

Today, my family and friends decided to throw a surprise party for my 16th birthday. I was so surprised that the shortness of breath triggered a serious asthma attack. FML

by presente13 / 05/17/2013 at 12:35am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I gave my boss a gift card as a late birthday present, since I wasn't in the office on his actual birthday. He accused me of trying to bribe my way to a promotion, and suspended me on the spot. FML

by Anonymous / 05/13/2013 at 12:01pm / Australia (Victoria) / Work