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Thursday 9 May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my teenage daughter nearly burned down our house because she wanted to take "artsy" pictures with a lighter for Instagram. FML

#20656774
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49425) - you deserved it (5744)

On 05/11/2013 at 5:19pm - kids - by failure as a parent (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my sisters and I pitched together nearly $500 to send my mom to the spa for Mother's Day. We put the printed sheet with her info into a little box with our card on top. When she opened it, she freaked out and started hugging my dad. Turns out he switched the cards and took all the credit. FML

#20658076
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57653) - you deserved it (3685)

On 05/12/2013 at 8:09am - misc - by lachaisse - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was feeling down about being the only single person out of a group of eight friends. Out of desperation, I made up "Jonny", a hot fitness instructor whom I recently hooked up with. Now "Jonny" and I have been invited to a friends' night out. FML

#20659041
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18400) - you deserved it (67663)

On 05/12/2013 at 5:09pm - love - by forever alone - United Kingdom

Today, I went to therapy. I started talking about my childhood and my life. By the time the session was over my therapist was crying. FML

#20651461
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60261) - you deserved it (3840)

On 05/09/2013 at 1:30am - health - by Screwed Up (man) - United States

Today, I went to go see my granddad in the hospital and asked if he needed anything. He replied, "I need you to get out and send that hot nurse in, I may be old but I still got it." FML

#20644913
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45573) - you deserved it (6104)

On 05/06/2013 at 4:35am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I lost my patience and asked the deadbeat I loaned money to last year to please pay up. His response: "Blow me." No thanks, dad. FML

#20661189
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47078) - you deserved it (5281)

On 05/13/2013 at 5:17pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my doorknob broke. While trying to impress my dad and show that I can fix things for girls, I somehow managed to lock myself in my room, with the doorknob on the other side of the door. When my dad finally heard my screams, he let me out. He had to take the whole door off. FML

#20662901
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33942) - you deserved it (18416)

On 05/14/2013 at 1:03pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I turned 35. Because I'm still single, my sister bought me a cat to help start my "inevitable collection." FML

#20647961
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44819) - you deserved it (5822)

On 05/07/2013 at 4:17pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was laid off from my job as a manager. After cleaning out my office, I began clearing my computer. I received an email from HR announcing a job position that opened up. Too bad it was for my job. FML

#20651556
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42267) - you deserved it (3356)

On 05/09/2013 at 3:35am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I cancelled our date tonight. I cancelled because I had a seizure and was taken to the hospital. FML

#20654794
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56963) - you deserved it (3252)

On 05/10/2013 at 6:58pm - health - by Chia (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my grandpa moved into the house to live with my family. Along with having to share a room with him, he swears that having the AC on will give him pneumonia, and he keeps saying he's "freezing" when the temperature inside gets below 85. We live in Nevada. FML

#20656847
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41834) - you deserved it (3138)

On 05/11/2013 at 5:58pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I went into the men's restroom and started peeing in a urinal next to a middle-age man. As he zipped up and walked away, he said to me, "Don't worry, it'll grow." FML

#20663182
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41842) - you deserved it (4061)

On 05/14/2013 at 4:09pm - health - by DrewK (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I attended a cooking class with my co-workers. As the chef prepared to cut up a load of onions for his dish, he warned us to be ready for the "typical reactions". Everyone teared up. Meanwhile, I popped a boner. So much for typical. FML

#20667353
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50327) - you deserved it (8707)

On 05/16/2013 at 4:54pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)



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