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Monday 6 May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my nose started running while in bed with my boyfriend. I kept trying to wipe it off with my arm to avoid ruining the moment. My boyfriend then looks up at me in horror. Turns out it wasn't mucus; it was blood. And it was all over his neck, his shirt, and his silk sheets. FML

#20647224
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61574) - you deserved it (11844)

On 05/07/2013 at 3:29am - intimacy - by Sirah90 (woman) - United States

Today, my husband angrily accused me of cheating on him. It turns out he thinks that because I've been spending time with my brother recently, the two of us must be having some kind of incestuous affair. FML

#20654383
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49213) - you deserved it (3766)

On 05/10/2013 at 3:01pm - love - by paintfarts1976 (woman) - Ireland (Westmeath)

Today, my mother and I got into an argument, and she told me to go to my room. I refused, prompting her to slap the shit out of me. I'm 29, and she was visiting me at my own house. FML

#20654425
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57317) - you deserved it (5875)

On 05/10/2013 at 3:28pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I finally got the courage to make a move on the guy I've been crushing on. I asked him if he would like to go see a movie with me. He answered, "Sorry, I've already seen it." I didn't even mention any particular movie. FML

#20651541
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52211) - you deserved it (3850)

On 05/09/2013 at 3:01am - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, our cat died. My five-year-old tried to flush him down the toilet. FML

Today, my boyfriend forced me to do stretching exercises with him before and after sex as a "safety precaution". FML

#20645667
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51533) - you deserved it (8551)

On 05/06/2013 at 3:58pm - intimacy - by stretchy - United States (Maryland)

Today, I tried lying to my parents for the first time. My mother is a neuroscientist and my father is a psychologist. Somehow, they managed to make me admit that I was lying before I'd even finished. FML

#20646351
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30776) - you deserved it (39695)

On 05/06/2013 at 8:52pm - misc - by blondie107 - United States (Texas)

Today, I was reading and started laughing at a funny part in my book. My mom then bitched me out because she thought I was laughing at her. She called me a liar after I explained myself. Her logic? "Books aren't funny". FML

#20647629
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45066) - you deserved it (3608)

On 05/07/2013 at 12:43pm - misc - by Marmarfarfar (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while packing for a trip, my mom bumped my bag and it started to vibrate. She flew into a huge rage calling me all sorts of colourful names, thinking it was a sex toy. It was my tooth brush. FML

#20649670
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69405) - you deserved it (5129)

On 05/08/2013 at 10:44am - intimacy - by oops - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I walked in on my son trying to carve a bong out of a watermelon. FML

#20656177
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41137) - you deserved it (7140)

On 05/11/2013 at 12:21pm - kids - by What the fuck, son? (man) - Netherlands (Utrecht)

Today, I let my dad put my dollar in the slot machine for me because I'm not old enough to gamble. I won $200 but he kept it because he "put the dollar in the slot machine." FML

#20650676
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48721) - you deserved it (9284)

On 05/08/2013 at 8:07pm - money - by anonymous - United States (Wyoming)

Today, my cousin thought it would be funny to make copies of my house keys and give it to random people on the street. I live alone and work a 12 hour shift daily. FML

#20657611
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50207) - you deserved it (3188)

On 05/12/2013 at 12:09am - misc - by Baikal - Singapore

Today, I gave a presentation about how teachers don't intervene enough when students are being bullied. Afterwards, I was practically bullied by my teacher for "not choosing a serious topic." FML

#20647729
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47547) - you deserved it (5404)

On 05/07/2013 at 2:14pm - misc - by hopelesscollegechick - United States (Alabama)



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