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Monday 6 May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, as with every day, I had to endure my roommate talking to his wife in a baby voice. This is a grown man, who has had a beard since junior high, who literally talks to her like you would a puppy or a baby. Someone kill me. FML

Today, at work, I was trying to get the octopus out of its tank to transfer it to another one. It instantly latched to my face and sprayed ink all over me. My boss told me to stop playing with the animals. FML

#20653962
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53015) - you deserved it (5616)

On 05/10/2013 at 8:37am - animals - by FenRackety (man) - Canada

Today, while doing a fun genetics game in Biology, I found out that I was adopted. Turns out the game wasn't so fun. FML

#20661511
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58401) - you deserved it (3335)

On 05/13/2013 at 7:51pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I agreed to help out my 4-year crush with his senior prank which is to pretend we are dating for 1 day to freak everyone out. Glad to know dating me is prank worthy. FML

#20658208
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62953) - you deserved it (9136)

On 05/12/2013 at 10:08am - love - by turdtonomor9 - United States

Today, I visited my grandparents at their farm. When I went to pee in the outhouse, I noticed a round thing in the middle of the hole, so I peed on it. It was a beehive. FML

#20660609
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44886) - you deserved it (22291)

On 05/13/2013 at 11:06am - animals - by random (man) - United States

Today, the girl that I've been madly in love with was demanding I tell her who I liked. I told her no, I should just keep it a secret, but she demanded I tell her. After I told her, the only response I got was, "You're right. You should have kept that a secret." FML

#20644845
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66826) - you deserved it (6278)

On 05/06/2013 at 2:49am - love - by walkingdead_1029 - United States (Arizona)

Today, my ex-wife, whom I divorced just 8 months ago, asked me to attend her wedding, because "it would mean a lot" to her. She's marrying the man she cheated on me with. FML

#20651917
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52394) - you deserved it (3153)

On 05/09/2013 at 12:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my husband angrily accused me of cheating on him. It turns out he thinks that because I've been spending time with my brother recently, the two of us must be having some kind of incestuous affair. FML

#20654383
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53250) - you deserved it (4090)

On 05/10/2013 at 3:01pm - love - by paintfarts1976 (woman) - Ireland (Westmeath)

Today, my mother and I got into an argument, and she told me to go to my room. I refused, prompting her to slap the shit out of me. I'm 29, and she was visiting me at my own house. FML

#20654425
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61502) - you deserved it (6261)

On 05/10/2013 at 3:28pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was making tea when I smelled something burning. My very fluffy cat had put his tail right next to the open flame and burnt his fur. Now I have a semi-hairless cat and a very smelly apartment. FML

#20647478
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44436) - you deserved it (7237)

On 05/07/2013 at 10:18am - animals - by AussieG75 (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I saw my ex husband walking with his very beautiful, very pregnant wife. We divorced 7 months ago because he told me he was gay. FML

#20655918
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (76029) - you deserved it (5396)

On 05/11/2013 at 9:32am - misc - by stephscort - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my nose started running while in bed with my boyfriend. I kept trying to wipe it off with my arm to avoid ruining the moment. My boyfriend then looks up at me in horror. Turns out it wasn't mucus; it was blood. And it was all over his neck, his shirt, and his silk sheets. FML

#20647224
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66406) - you deserved it (13055)

On 05/07/2013 at 3:29am - intimacy - by Sirah90 (woman) - United States

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend of 7 years with another woman. He panicked and blamed it on the "long distance" and how we "never see each other". We've lived in the same neighbourhood since we were 5 years old, and we've lived together for the past four years. FML

#20649796
116 comments


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