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Sunday 5 May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I learned that binding my stomach with duct tape isn't worth it to look thin. I also learned the even worse part when I shrieked more loudly than I should've when I tried to discreetly rip it off in history class. FML

Today, I caught my 14-year-old daughter stealing alcohol from me. After berating her for half-an-hour I finally said, "At least you're not doing drugs." She gave me a guilty smile and sheepishly said, "At least I'm not a prostitute?" FML

#20640404
248 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67393) - you deserved it (14882)

On 05/04/2013 at 3:22am - kids - by prostitott -

Today, my little brothers wouldn't stop teasing me over the fact that I'm a virgin and they are not. They are 13 and 16, I'm 22. What's worse? My dad quickly joined them. FML

#20657675
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61326) - you deserved it (7381)

On 05/12/2013 at 12:35am - misc - by lamsolonely - United States

Today, my boyfriend was watching TV, when we started getting frisky. I'd just started to give him a blowjob when he pushed me off and said, "Fun's over." Dragon Ball Z had just come back on. He's 21. FML

#20632729
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60644) - you deserved it (15920)

On 04/30/2013 at 1:35pm - intimacy - by SecondBest,IGuess (woman) - United States

Today, for a laugh, I put vanilla yogurt into a mayonnaise jar and went to the mall to eat it with a spoon. Too bad that someone called mall security on me for disturbing the peace. They shoved me into a back room and grilled me about what was in the jar. FML

#20632537
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44282) - you deserved it (19193)

On 04/30/2013 at 11:09am - misc - by longsock123 - United States (California)

Today, I found out that my wife is having an affair with the same guy my ex-wife left me for. FML

#20645479
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (94798) - you deserved it (5975)

On 05/06/2013 at 2:13pm - love - by Anonymous - Ireland (Donegal)

Today, it's my birthday. Three people wished me happy birthday: Google, my insurance company, and the place I lease my car from. FML

#20649920
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55736) - you deserved it (4170)

On 05/08/2013 at 1:48pm - misc - by trice (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I tried to show my boyfriend's mom a picture of my prom dress on my phone. She scrolled to the right to find a picture of her son, naked. FML

#20642331
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44987) - you deserved it (77113)

On 05/05/2013 at 1:44am - intimacy - by beyondembarrassed - United States

Today, I asked my father if he was proud that I have never done drugs, never drank alcohol, never had sex, never had psychological problems, never been to the hospital for something serious, never been in a fight and maintain good grades. He told me I was a boring daughter. FML

#20657738
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54983) - you deserved it (19431)

On 05/12/2013 at 1:01am - misc - by peallow (woman) - Puerto Rico

Today, my dad called me a "deadbeat loser" after I came back from my first day of voluntary rehab for my meth problem. He's never had a job in his life and sits on the sofa all day, smoking weed and playing video games, all on my mom's salary. FML

#20642863
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58706) - you deserved it (8382)

On 05/05/2013 at 11:53am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my water broke while my boyfriend was breaking up with me. FML

#20649270
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (78487) - you deserved it (7031)

On 05/08/2013 at 1:41am - health - by Carrie - United States (California)

Today, marks the third week in which my girlfriend has gone without taking a shower. She does this every so often, taking showers roughly once per month. She's convinced baby wipes will "hold her over". FML

#20638375
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56759) - you deserved it (9542)

On 05/03/2013 at 1:16am - love - by SingleStrongArm - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was questioned by police for forcing a 12-year-old to get in my car. That 12-year-old is my daughter, who refused to get in until I agree to buy her a highly expensive purse just to become popular. FML

#20653026
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56754) - you deserved it (7126)

On 05/09/2013 at 9:41pm - kids - by brokedad - United States



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