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Thursday 2 May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my manager called me in to tell me I got the promotion I've been hoping for. He then said that since I didn't look excited about it he might have to rethink it. I was too busy concentrating on holding in diarrhea. FML

#20645244
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54845) - you deserved it (4369)

On 05/06/2013 at 11:25am - work - by perfecttiming (man) - United States (California)

Today, I did my small part to help the environment by hanging my clothes outside to dry rather than using the dryer. The birds showed their appreciation by crapping on the majority of my clothes. FML

#20647651
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43014) - you deserved it (12699)

On 05/07/2013 at 1:10pm - animals - by hitchcock2013 (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was out jogging, when I saw a girl fall off her bike and start crying. I ran over to see if she was hurt. Apparently her neighbour thought I was trying to kidnap her, because he ran out with a baseball bat and threatened to beat me to death if I didn't get lost. FML

#20647971
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47994) - you deserved it (2871)

On 05/07/2013 at 4:21pm - kids - by bet a woman would've been thanked (man) - United Kingdom (Worcestershire)

Today, my parents finally got married. At the after-party, my mother got drunk and informed me that even though she and my father were now married, it doesn't change the fact that I'm still a bastard. FML

#20631493
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44303) - you deserved it (3387)

On 04/29/2013 at 9:57pm - kids - by SierraCheyenne (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I had to be rushed to the hospital when I started sneezing uncontrollably and got a huge rash. It turns out I'm highly allergic to a chemical in most cleaning supplies. Great. I just got a job as a house cleaner for a very rich family. FML

#20632205
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43687) - you deserved it (2725)

On 04/30/2013 at 4:04am - health - by ava_henryy - United States (Washington)

Today, I learned my husband has what he calls "grumpy wife sex" specifically to cheer me up. I don't know if I'm more annoyed that he casually mentioned it after we've been together for 10 years, or that it actually works. FML

#20636797
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47372) - you deserved it (13921)

On 05/02/2013 at 11:59am - intimacy - by MommaAnnie (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, my dog became scared of his own food bowl. He now barks for ages every time he sees it. FML

#20629727
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38003) - you deserved it (3171)

On 04/29/2013 at 3:20am - animals - by conbon123 - United States (Oregon)

Today, my sister texted me, saying she was about to go into surgery. It's been a long time coming, and we've both been worried about what could happen. I texted "good luck" back. My phone autocorrected it to "goodbye" and I didn't even notice. FML

#20636856
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55995) - you deserved it (7801)

On 05/02/2013 at 12:49pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's mom for the first time. I introduced myself and went to shake her hand. She looked me up and down and said, "I don't shake hands with whores." FML

#20636996
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63152) - you deserved it (7353)

On 05/02/2013 at 2:27pm - love - by Jes_jes18 (woman) - United States

Today, I was at my aunt and uncle's house. I went to the bathroom and after I washed my hands, I took a Q-tip out of the carton to clean my ears. When I reached for a second one, I noticed that every Q-tip in the carton was actually already used. FML

#20643700
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46949) - you deserved it (7763)

On 05/05/2013 at 7:10pm - health - by grossed out - United States (Illinois)

Today, it's my birthday. I worked late, so I was looking forward to spending a quiet evening with my husband. When he suggested we go grocery shopping, I got excited thinking he had organized a surprise party or something. He actually just took me grocery shopping. FML

#20647398
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49070) - you deserved it (8938)

On 05/07/2013 at 8:48am - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I started the bleaching treatments that my dentist recommended. Now, my two front teeth have ultra white spots, the rest of my teeth are still yellow and the roof of my mouth is burned. FML

#20653345
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40698) - you deserved it (8015)

On 05/09/2013 at 11:11pm - health - by ZydecosGirl - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was so nervous about a first date that trying to break a silence in the beginning, I asked, "So, you afraid of any insects?" No wonder I didn't get a second date. FML

#20632372
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35617) - you deserved it (10693)

On 04/30/2013 at 8:28am - love - by Gioia (woman) - Bulgaria (Vidin)



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