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Thursday 2 May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I learned that my mother counts my jeans as two pairs when she counts how many she's putting in for a load of wash. I've gotten that fat. FML

#20641701
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23499) - you deserved it (35255)

On 05/04/2013 at 8:41pm - misc - by Fatty Fatty Fatso (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I let my dad put my dollar in the slot machine for me because I'm not old enough to gamble. I won $200 but he kept it because he "put the dollar in the slot machine." FML

#20650676
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49093) - you deserved it (9340)

On 05/08/2013 at 8:07pm - money - by anonymous - United States (Wyoming)

Today, my dumbass colleague was too lazy to go buy balloons for a party in recognition of our company's huge merger. Instead, he made condom balloons. Let's just say you don't make blow up condoms for a prestigious company event. A company whose CEO is named Dick. FML

#20642182
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51098) - you deserved it (4435)

On 05/05/2013 at 12:14am - work - by ADickySituation - United States (Illinois)

Today, after my mom picked me up from the mall, she asked me what was in my bag from Gap. I wouldn't tell her, and she ended up grounding me. It was her Mother's Day present. FML

#20645473
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58658) - you deserved it (4483)

On 05/06/2013 at 2:08pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (California)

Today, while I was in the shower, I heard a door slam. Assuming it was my fiancé, I shouted "I love you!" I later opened the bathroom door to see my stereo and television missing. I'd said "I love you" to whoever robbed my apartment. FML

#20632198
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52934) - you deserved it (5001)

On 04/30/2013 at 3:54am - money - by ShowerGirl (woman) - United States

Today, my girlfriend dumped me for cheating on her. Her "proof" was an image of me making out with a girl. Pretty damning, except she loaded it up in Photoshop, where I saw the image layers she'd used to fake the whole thing. I'm not sure what the hell she was thinking either. FML

#20637622
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53610) - you deserved it (3506)

On 05/02/2013 at 8:16pm - love - by psycho ex (man) - Brazil

Today, while paying a $60 tab on drinks for a girl, a guy grabs the money-clip out of my hand and runs. I start to chase after him; the girl trips me, then runs after him. The bartender calls the cops; not to catch the thieves, but to report me for not paying. FML

#20634407
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52193) - you deserved it (4406)

On 05/01/2013 at 6:30am - money - by Alexman1985 -

Today, I gave a presentation about how teachers don't intervene enough when students are being bullied. Afterwards, I was practically bullied by my teacher for "not choosing a serious topic." FML

#20647729
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47606) - you deserved it (5409)

On 05/07/2013 at 2:14pm - misc - by hopelesscollegechick - United States (Alabama)

Today, after a night of heavy drinking, I woke up handcuffed to my bed. My friends who are responsible for this think it's hilarious and claimed not to remember where they put the keys. They took pictures, then left. FML

#20649461
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39520) - you deserved it (14355)

On 05/08/2013 at 7:05am - misc - by Sebastian20 (man) - Netherlands (Groningen)

Today, a friend and I were walking around a festival when out of nowhere a giant bug hit me in the face. I went into instant ninja mode, screaming and flailing. When I stopped, I realized it was just a leaf and everyone was staring at me. FML

#20636386
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34748) - you deserved it (16124)

On 05/02/2013 at 2:29am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to share my room with my cousin while she stayed over. I let her take my bed while I slept on the floor. Not only do my back and neck hurt, but I had to clean vomit out of my hair. Apparently, she "wasn't feeling well" last night. FML

#20640612
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47687) - you deserved it (4134)

On 05/04/2013 at 9:32am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was in the doctor's office waiting for my husband to arrive, when a little old lady sat beside me. She seemed nice, until she started farting and blaming it on me. They weren't silent; they sounded like trucker farts and smelled like death. I was there for over an hour. FML

#20647820
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46042) - you deserved it (4176)

On 05/07/2013 at 3:07pm - misc - by babs (woman) - United States

Today, I was getting into the mood with my boyfriend. Ten minutes into it, I told him to "teach me a lesson." His response: "I ain't no teacher." FML

#20629715
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46101) - you deserved it (11656)

On 04/29/2013 at 3:08am - intimacy - by unforgettablee (woman) - United States (California)



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