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Thursday 2 May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was getting ready, when I heard my dad in the shower. He was singing along to the song "The Wheel in the Sky" by Journey. Except he'd changed the lyrics and was singing, "The dick on this guy needs a rubbin'." It turns out my mom was in the shower with him. FML

#20634724
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66446) - you deserved it (5408)

On 05/01/2013 at 12:13pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I overheard my boyfriend admitting that he's only dating me because having me around "sucks a bit less than fucking my own hand". FML

#20639297
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53928) - you deserved it (5164)

On 05/03/2013 at 5:00pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Germany

Today, I was reading and started laughing at a funny part in my book. My mom then bitched me out because she thought I was laughing at her. She called me a liar after I explained myself. Her logic? "Books aren't funny". FML

#20647629
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48694) - you deserved it (3905)

On 05/07/2013 at 12:43pm - misc - by Marmarfarfar (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went to have a breast exam. The doc told me that she would touch different parts of my breasts, and said to tell her if at any point it felt painful. As she was examining me, I was going to say that it wasn't painful, but instead I blurted out, "It feels good." FML

#20630276
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51075) - you deserved it (12945)

On 04/29/2013 at 12:51pm - health - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, my boss fired me for acting "inappropriately" at work. I gave him a hug. He's my dad. FML

#20638777
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69276) - you deserved it (8430)

On 05/03/2013 at 11:00am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend forced me to do stretching exercises with him before and after sex as a "safety precaution". FML

#20645667
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55819) - you deserved it (9087)

On 05/06/2013 at 3:58pm - intimacy - by stretchy - United States (Maryland)

Today, I had my college graduation ceremony. As I was walking across the stage, some asshat, in front of over 55,000 students and staff, brazenly ran across the stage, snatched my diploma up out of the president's hand, and ran off. FML

#20651616
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59637) - you deserved it (4123)

On 05/09/2013 at 6:11am - misc - by Uwrongfodat (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, while packing for a trip, my mom bumped my bag and it started to vibrate. She flew into a huge rage calling me all sorts of colourful names, thinking it was a sex toy. It was my tooth brush. FML

#20649670
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74571) - you deserved it (5542)

On 05/08/2013 at 10:44am - intimacy - by oops - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I went on a run. Going a decent pace, I passed a woman walking her dog. I joked, "C'mon! Keep up!" Thirty feet later I stepped in mud, rolled my ankle and fell. The woman walked by as I lay in agony, and told me to keep up. FML

#20634623
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22091) - you deserved it (73795)

On 05/01/2013 at 10:27am - misc - by luvs2spooge89 - United States (New York)

Today, I found out that every time my girlfriend takes a big dump, she pretends as if she's giving birth and screams uncontrollably. I just moved in with her. FML

#20638599
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52006) - you deserved it (5494)

On 05/03/2013 at 7:32am - health - by poopydaddy - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my dumbass colleague was too lazy to go buy balloons for a party in recognition of our company's huge merger. Instead, he made condom balloons. Let's just say you don't make blow up condoms for a prestigious company event. A company whose CEO is named Dick. FML

#20642182
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54957) - you deserved it (4765)

On 05/05/2013 at 12:14am - work - by ADickySituation - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was out with my grandma when a pair of very shady guys approached us in the street, hands in their pockets. Without breaking stride, she pulled a knife out of her handbag and told them they'd better keep walking. They did. What the fuck, gran? FML

#20640901
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53915) - you deserved it (7553)

On 05/04/2013 at 1:05pm - misc - by emasculated 10000% (man) - Sweden (Kronobergs Lan)

Today, I gave a big presentation to my class. It included PowerPoint slides and video clips of the country I'd been researching. Another student did a presentation on the same country, except he just read from its Wikipedia page. He practically got a standing ovation. I got a single clap. FML

#20638884
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46511) - you deserved it (3613)

On 05/03/2013 at 12:38pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)



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