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Thursday 2 May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I finally started exercising. I'm a rather obese person and I'm super pumped up to finally get off my lazy butt and lose some weight. Locking myself in my room, I first started with a very simple exercise: jumping jacks. I farted each time I jumped. I jumped 10 times. FML

#20640437
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43063) - you deserved it (10543)

On 05/04/2013 at 4:11am - health - by thatonesilentkidinclass (man) - Philippines (Batangas)

Today, my mom came back from a major surgery. She also had a yeast infection. I had to push the applicator in because she couldn't bend down. This cannot be unfelt. FML

#20641584
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47174) - you deserved it (2842)

On 05/04/2013 at 7:26pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I went to have a breast exam. The doc told me that she would touch different parts of my breasts, and said to tell her if at any point it felt painful. As she was examining me, I was going to say that it wasn't painful, but instead I blurted out, "It feels good." FML

#20630276
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46343) - you deserved it (11649)

On 04/29/2013 at 12:51pm - health - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, I was at dance rehearsal. As a male dancer I like to keep the fact that I dance a secret because of the stupid stereotypes male dancers have. This plan was quickly shot down when I discovered I was performing at my school. FML

#20639678
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36879) - you deserved it (5128)

On 05/03/2013 at 8:39pm - misc - by DeActivated (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I was getting ready, when I heard my dad in the shower. He was singing along to the song "The Wheel in the Sky" by Journey. Except he'd changed the lyrics and was singing, "The dick on this guy needs a rubbin'." It turns out my mom was in the shower with him. FML

#20634724
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57608) - you deserved it (4555)

On 05/01/2013 at 12:13pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that every time my girlfriend takes a big dump, she pretends as if she's giving birth and screams uncontrollably. I just moved in with her. FML

#20638599
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44159) - you deserved it (4458)

On 05/03/2013 at 7:32am - health - by poopydaddy - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I tried lying to my parents for the first time. My mother is a neuroscientist and my father is a psychologist. Somehow, they managed to make me admit that I was lying before I'd even finished. FML

#20646351
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29776) - you deserved it (38475)

On 05/06/2013 at 8:52pm - misc - by blondie107 - United States (Texas)

Today, while packing for a trip, my mom bumped my bag and it started to vibrate. She flew into a huge rage calling me all sorts of colourful names, thinking it was a sex toy. It was my tooth brush. FML

#20649670
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67160) - you deserved it (4958)

On 05/08/2013 at 10:44am - intimacy - by oops - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was lectured by my mother for staying out until 2 am because I went to a gig last night. I was told I was irresponsible and made to feel ashamed. Not only do I live on my own and pay my bills, but I'm almost 30. This is a regular occurrence. FML

Today, I went on a run. Going a decent pace, I passed a woman walking her dog. I joked, "C'mon! Keep up!" Thirty feet later I stepped in mud, rolled my ankle and fell. The woman walked by as I lay in agony, and told me to keep up. FML

#20634623
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19314) - you deserved it (65609)

On 05/01/2013 at 10:27am - misc - by luvs2spooge89 - United States (New York)

Today, I was feeling down about being stuck in bed after ankle surgery. I thought I would go ahead and call my boss and let him know everything went well. He said the obligatory nice things, then told me that if I'm not at work on Monday, I'll be fired. I can't even get out of bed. FML

#20638400
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42115) - you deserved it (2837)

On 05/03/2013 at 1:35am - work - by clutzasaurus (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I met my new roommate. She has a life-size cardboard cutout of Justin Bieber in her room, which I've seen her having actual conversations with twice already. I have to share a bedroom with this psycho. FML

#20640984
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50585) - you deserved it (4178)

On 05/04/2013 at 1:46pm - misc - by immovingout (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I learned that my mother counts my jeans as two pairs when she counts how many she's putting in for a load of wash. I've gotten that fat. FML

#20641701
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22191) - you deserved it (33601)

On 05/04/2013 at 8:41pm - misc - by Fatty Fatty Fatso (woman) - United States (New York)



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