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Monday 29 April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was feeling down about being stuck in bed after ankle surgery. I thought I would go ahead and call my boss and let him know everything went well. He said the obligatory nice things, then told me that if I'm not at work on Monday, I'll be fired. I can't even get out of bed. FML

#20638400
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47988) - you deserved it (3309)

On 05/03/2013 at 1:35am - work - by clutzasaurus (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, while I was in the shower, I heard a door slam. Assuming it was my fiancé, I shouted "I love you!" I later opened the bathroom door to see my stereo and television missing. I'd said "I love you" to whoever robbed my apartment. FML

#20632198
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56875) - you deserved it (5412)

On 04/30/2013 at 3:54am - money - by ShowerGirl (woman) - United States

Today, my girlfriend dumped me for cheating on her. Her "proof" was an image of me making out with a girl. Pretty damning, except she loaded it up in Photoshop, where I saw the image layers she'd used to fake the whole thing. I'm not sure what the hell she was thinking either. FML

#20637622
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57672) - you deserved it (3817)

On 05/02/2013 at 8:16pm - love - by psycho ex (man) - Brazil

Today, after my mom picked me up from the mall, she asked me what was in my bag from Gap. I wouldn't tell her, and she ended up grounding me. It was her Mother's Day present. FML

#20645473
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62559) - you deserved it (4816)

On 05/06/2013 at 2:08pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was taking a dump in the bathroom. The lights turned off and I was too embarrassed to come out of the stall. The janitor walked in, turned the lights on and asked If anyone was there. I stayed quiet. He turned the lights back off and locked me in the bathroom. FML

#20630741
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18571) - you deserved it (62421)

On 04/29/2013 at 5:11pm - misc - by random - Canada

Today, while paying a $60 tab on drinks for a girl, a guy grabs the money-clip out of my hand and runs. I start to chase after him; the girl trips me, then runs after him. The bartender calls the cops; not to catch the thieves, but to report me for not paying. FML

#20634407
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56222) - you deserved it (4792)

On 05/01/2013 at 6:30am - money - by Alexman1985 -

Today, I was forced to work with someone I absolutely hate. I then found myself starting to like him, until he shot me in the forehead with a stapler gun. FML

#20639773
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50797) - you deserved it (4582)

On 05/03/2013 at 9:30pm - work - by annoyedgirl - United States (Washington)

Today, I had to share my room with my cousin while she stayed over. I let her take my bed while I slept on the floor. Not only do my back and neck hurt, but I had to clean vomit out of my hair. Apparently, she "wasn't feeling well" last night. FML

#20640612
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51071) - you deserved it (4412)

On 05/04/2013 at 9:32am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was getting into the mood with my boyfriend. Ten minutes into it, I told him to "teach me a lesson." His response: "I ain't no teacher." FML

#20629715
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50115) - you deserved it (12673)

On 04/29/2013 at 3:08am - intimacy - by unforgettablee (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my wife shaved her pubic hair so that it resembles Hitler's mustache. She won't stop referring to it as "the Clitler". FML

#20637691
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64916) - you deserved it (9789)

On 05/02/2013 at 8:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I took my wife's cat to the vet for her yearly check up. I'm finishing the day at the hospital with multiple bite wounds and a deep gash in my leg. My wife chose to comfort her cat instead. FML

#20632607
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42051) - you deserved it (4436)

On 04/30/2013 at 12:03pm - animals - by good husband - Canada

Today, I'm on holiday in Ghana. After having worn an anklet I bought here for the past two weeks, I was told that it's used by the local prostitutes to advertise their trade. FML

#20637157
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49655) - you deserved it (7631)

On 05/02/2013 at 3:59pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Ghana (Greater Accra)

Today, I realized my favorite pen advertises a vaginal cream. I've been letting people borrow it for months. FML

#20634740
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40446) - you deserved it (8783)

On 05/01/2013 at 12:28pm - misc - by MrConcise (man) - United States



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