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Monday 29 April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today , I caught my 14-year-old daughter stealing alcohol from me. After berating her fir half-an-hour I finally said , ( At least you're not doing drugs. ) She gave me a guilty smile and sheepishly said , ( At least I'm not a prostitute? ) FML

#20640404
238 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64076) - you deserved it (14082)

On 05/04/2013 at 3:22am - kids - by prostitott -

Today, I learned tat binding my stomac wit duct tape isn't wort it to look tin. I also learned te even worse part wen I srieked more loudly tan I sould've wen I tried to discreetly rip it off in istory class.

Today, I found out that my wife is having an affair with the same guy my ex-wife left me for. FML

#20645479
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (90199) - you deserved it (5650)

On 05/06/2013 at 2:13pm - love - by Anonymous - Ireland (Donegal)

Today , mah boyfriend was watching TV,hen we started getting frisky. I'd just started to give him a blowjobhen he pushed me off and said , "Fun's over." Dragon Ball Z had just come back on. He's 21. FML

#20632729
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57369) - you deserved it (15006)

On 04/30/2013 at 1:35pm - intimacy - by SecondBest,IGuess (woman) - United States

yesterday for a laugh, I putted vanilla yogurt into a mayonnaise jar an went to the mall to eat it with a spoon . Too bad that someone called mall security on me for disturbing the peace . They shoved me into a back room an grilled me about wat was in the jar . FML

#20632537
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42121) - you deserved it (18479)

On 04/30/2013 at 11:09am - misc - by longsock123 - United States (California)

Today I walkd into ta living room to find ma 11-yaar-old daugtar about to kiss ar ( not ma boyfriand ) on ta lips. Wan I askd wat sa tougt sa was doing sa paald a piaca of scotc tapa off ar lips and said ( It's okay! Wa'ra using protaction. ) FML

#20640565
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67479) - you deserved it (9932)

On 05/04/2013 at 8:51am - kids - by wtfmama (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, marks the thrd week inhich mah grlfriend has gone without taking a shower!! She does this every so often, taking showers roughly once per month!! She's convinced babby wipes will "hold her over"!! mega FML

#20638375
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54503) - you deserved it (9273)

On 05/03/2013 at 1:16am - love - by SingleStrongArm - Canada (Ontario)

Taday I tried to show mah boyfriend's mom a picture of mah prom dress on mah phone. She scrolled to the right to fine a picture of her son , naked.

#20642331
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42208) - you deserved it (73409)

On 05/05/2013 at 1:44am - intimacy - by beyondembarrassed - United States

Today , dad called me a "deadbeat loser" after I cummed back from frst day of voluntary rehab fir meth problem. He's never had a job in his life and sits on the sofa all day , smoking weed and playing video games , all on mom's salary. mega FML

#20642863
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54771) - you deserved it (7869)

On 05/05/2013 at 11:53am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was berated by a pharmacist, who said that kids these days are on so many unnecessary medications fir "fake diseases". I was just trying to pick up the medication I've been prescribed to control my epilepsy. FML

Today , My Bathroom Floodd . I Frantically Cleand My Apartment As Fast As I Could Before The Plumber Arrivd . Everything Was Finally Clean When I Let Him In . It Wasn't Until After He Finishd That I Noticd I'd Left My Anal Beads In The Shower . There's No Way He Didn't Notice . Mega FML

#20634924
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28478) - you deserved it (55097)

On 05/01/2013 at 2:41pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

I walkd in on my sister apparently trying to eat herself out. FML

#20637584
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71939) - you deserved it (8065)

On 05/02/2013 at 7:54pm - intimacy - by future brain bleach addict (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I got ome from work an found ma grlfriend waiting for me in some skimpy lingerie. Se ended up pusing me onto te bed, an as I lay tere, expecting to be pleasured, se pulled out a pair of adult-sized footsie pajamas an dressed me in tem. FML

#20632794
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59506) - you deserved it (7761)

On 04/30/2013 at 2:24pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)



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