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Sunday 28 April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, things got pretty steamy between my boyfriend and me. We started doing stuff that neither of us had tried before. Then, he straddled me with a raging erection and boomed, "IT HAS RISEN!" He didn't understand why I was suddenly no longer in the mood. FML

#20623610
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50115) - you deserved it (9791)

On 04/26/2013 at 6:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my car was stolen from the parking garage, the same one I work at as a security guard. FML

#20625733
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41547) - you deserved it (25153)

On 04/27/2013 at 6:05pm - work - by naps aren't what they used to be (man) - United States

Today, six weeks before my wedding, my mother decided to claim that she never agreed on paying for it and that she doesn't think she will. Now I have six weeks to scavenge enough cash for the wedding she planned in the first place. FML

#20626669
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52451) - you deserved it (4269)

On 04/28/2013 at 12:29am - money - by need_cash_now (man) - United States

Today, a family of geese nested outside my halls of residence. They have started attacking everyone who tries to get in or out of the building. I'm basically being placed under house arrest by birds. FML

#20630234
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45012) - you deserved it (3845)

On 04/29/2013 at 12:14pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (York)

Today, my mom came back from a major surgery. She also had a yeast infection. I had to push the applicator in because she couldn't bend down. This cannot be unfelt. FML

Today, my husband rejected sleeping with me because he wants to "save his energy" for building his custom car. Apparently, I'm a "distraction." FML

#20615528
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46466) - you deserved it (6198)

On 04/23/2013 at 9:38am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I had a giant Scantron test. After putting 10 answers, I noticed every single answer was A. I got freaked out and started putting random answers. Turns out every answer on the test was A. I failed. FML

#20636525
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29972) - you deserved it (53886)

On 05/02/2013 at 7:02am - work - by FireoftheFuture - United States

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend for the first time, and she reached down to feel me up. When her hands got there, she stopped and said, "You're not even hard..." I was. FML

#20618445
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (80313) - you deserved it (9634)

On 04/24/2013 at 2:56pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had a job interview at the local donut shop. It turns out I misunderstood the position, and that the job was actually to wear a donut costume and wave at cars outside the shop. I was told this after I got hired. FML

#20630021
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43162) - you deserved it (8891)

On 04/29/2013 at 9:39am - work - by sdeeter (man) - United States

Today, through sheer luck, I got talking to an actor from the Harry Potter films who I've had a crush on since I was about ten. I tried to play it cool, and pretend I didn't know who he was. Then my phone rang, with the Harry Potter theme tune. FML

#20633236
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25186) - you deserved it (44951)

On 04/30/2013 at 6:23pm - misc - by itsellie27 (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my crazy neighbor came up to me in the street and slapped me across the face, accusing me of leering through her restroom window while she showered. I'm gay. FML

#20636451
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48107) - you deserved it (6538)

On 05/02/2013 at 4:27am - misc - by inyobeddd (man) - United States (California)

Today, I sent a girl a friendly conversation starter on Facebook. She replied, "I know what you guys are like. Oh, and that invitation to a date in about 5 messages time? Not a chance." FML

#20632227
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42707) - you deserved it (8900)

On 04/30/2013 at 4:50am - love - by Porter_Robinson (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was at dance rehearsal. As a male dancer I like to keep the fact that I dance a secret because of the stupid stereotypes male dancers have. This plan was quickly shot down when I discovered I was performing at my school. FML

#20639678
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42496) - you deserved it (5749)

On 05/03/2013 at 8:39pm - misc - by DeActivated (man) - United States (Utah)



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