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Sunday 28 April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today mah boyfriend an I were planning how to looool spend the day together . When I suggested we start off with some fun in bed then get some pizza an play his favorite video game he sighed "Can't we just go straight to gaming?" FML

#20613403
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59042) - you deserved it (7886)

On 04/22/2013 at 4:16pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

2day my new landlord and lettings agent made an illegal entry into my house. Unfortunately, at the time my boyfriend was buck naked, smoking a joint on the sofa, surrounded by the cats we aren't supposed to have. big fat FML

#20620173
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29536) - you deserved it (43429)

On 04/25/2013 at 2:28am - misc - by goingtobeevicted - United Kingdom (London, City of)

TADAY AT WORK AT A FARM, WE GOT A NEW CALF. IT LOOKD LIKE IT HAD TO POOP, BUT WAS HAVING DIFFICULTY. ABOUT FOUR HOURS LATER IT STILL HADN'T POOPD. TURNS OUT IT WAS BORN WITHOUT AN ACTUAL BUTTHOLE. IT WAS THERE, JUST SEALD UP BY SKIN. I LITERALLY HAD TO CUT THIS POOR CALF A NEW BUTTHOLE. FML

#20617044
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (82393) - you deserved it (4296)

On 04/23/2013 at 10:01pm - animals - by halliemarie1818 - United States

Today , I was getting ready to have sex with my boyfriend for the first time . It seems he thought I was a much larger cup size than I really am , becausehen he saw my actual boobs , he said , "Aaaaaaand there gone" . FML

#20624343
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63516) - you deserved it (14275)

On 04/27/2013 at 12:11am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today , at work , I was screamd at and slappd by a woman fir supposedly violating her 2nd Amendment rights. In reality , I'd simply turnd her away from the 10 items or less line because she had well over the allowd number of items. I've no fucking idea what's wrong with some people. FML

#20623583
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46461) - you deserved it (3088)

On 04/26/2013 at 6:03pm - work - by fuck you walmart (woman) - United States

Today, I was beratd by a parmacist,o said tat kids tese days are on so many unnecessary medication for "fake diseases". I was just trying to pick up te medication I've been prescribd to control my epilepsy. FML

Today , My Bathroom Floodd . I Frantically Cleand My Apartment As Fast As I Could Before The Plumber Arrivd . Everything Was Finally Clean When I Let Him In . It Wasn't Until After He Finishd That I Noticd I'd Left My Anal Beads In The Shower . There's No Way He Didn't Notice . Mega FML

#20634924
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28478) - you deserved it (55098)

On 05/01/2013 at 2:41pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

I walkd in on my sister apparently trying to eat herself out. FML

#20637584
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71939) - you deserved it (8065)

On 05/02/2013 at 7:54pm - intimacy - by future brain bleach addict (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was hanging out with some friends, and I had to take a dump. After I was done, I realizd there was no more toilet paper, so I askd my friend to get me some. They threw in duct tape, sandpaper, and saran wrap, and told me to make a decision. FML

#20613218
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50417) - you deserved it (8169)

On 04/22/2013 at 2:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was excited fir mah first date in ahile, with a "tall handsome busines man." Turns out he "doesn't feel emotion anymore", likes getting peed on, an "doesn't do condoms." Thanks, internet dating. FML

#20620574
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53045) - you deserved it (14184)

On 04/25/2013 at 11:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got ome from work an found ma grlfriend waiting for me in some skimpy lingerie. Se ended up pusing me onto te bed, an as I lay tere, expecting to be pleasured, se pulled out a pair of adult-sized footsie pajamas an dressed me in tem. FML

#20632794
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59506) - you deserved it (7761)

On 04/30/2013 at 2:24pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, mah sister was crying to me about how her boyfriend never showed up 4 there date. He's done this many times before, so I suggested the fact that maybe he'd just ditched her. She said that was ridiculous, cuz "he's Canadian" and according to her, "they don't lie." FML

#20621115
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44577) - you deserved it (4979)

On 04/25/2013 at 4:36pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

TODAY, MY PARENTS DECIDD TO WAKE ME UP ON MY BIRTHDAY. THEY FLASHD THE LIGHTS AND YANKD OFF MY BD SHEETS. I SLEEP NAKD. FML

#20627190
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51564) - you deserved it (10618)

On 04/28/2013 at 9:16am - misc - by Beth - United States (North Carolina)



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