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Sunday 28 April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I summoned the courage to call my abusive mother-in-law about her non-payment of the money I stupidly lent her last year. She replied, "Why don't you go deepthroat a cactus, then we'll talk about it, cunt." and then hung up on me. FML

#20628087
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57246) - you deserved it (6978)

On 04/28/2013 at 4:44pm - money - by a tad whipped (man) - Australia

Today, I was berated by a pharmacist, who said that kids these days are on so many unnecessary medications for "fake diseases". I was just trying to pick up the medication I've been prescribed to control my epilepsy. FML

Today, my boyfriend and I were planning how to spend the day together. When I suggested we start off with some fun in bed, then get some pizza and play his favorite video game, he sighed, "Can't we just go straight to gaming?" FML

#20613403
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62177) - you deserved it (8268)

On 04/22/2013 at 4:16pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was hanging out with some friends, and I had to take a dump. After I was done, I realized there was no more toilet paper, so I asked my friends to get me some. They threw in duct tape, sandpaper, and saran wrap, and told me to make a decision. FML

#20613218
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53180) - you deserved it (8474)

On 04/22/2013 at 2:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I walked into the living room to find my 11-year-old daughter about to kiss her "not my boyfriend" on the lips. When I asked what she thought she was doing, she peeled a piece of scotch tape off her lips and said, "It's okay! We're using protection." FML

#20640565
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72088) - you deserved it (10738)

On 05/04/2013 at 8:51am - kids - by wtfmama (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my parents decided to wake me up on my birthday. They flashed the lights and yanked off my bed sheets. I sleep naked. FML

#20627190
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55012) - you deserved it (11405)

On 04/28/2013 at 9:16am - misc - by Beth - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was driving when I noticed that the guy in front was on the phone. I pulled up next to him, pulled out my phone and I made a gesture that he needed to put his phone away. It was a cop. I got a ticket for driving while on my cell phone. FML

#20621724
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41386) - you deserved it (33044)

On 04/25/2013 at 8:56pm - money - by really_now - United States (Nevada)

Today, my neighbours' whiny emo of a daughter got dumped by her boyfriend. In her infinite wisdom, she's chosen to cope by playing on her recorder the worst rendition of "My Heart Will Go On" that I've ever heard. It's been going on all day. Now I know why he dumped this idiot. FML

#20641408
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53426) - you deserved it (9061)

On 05/04/2013 at 5:44pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Liverpool)

Today, my new landlord and lettings agent made an illegal entry into my house. Unfortunately, at the time my boyfriend was buck naked, smoking a joint on the sofa, surrounded by the cats we aren't supposed to have. FML

#20620173
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31435) - you deserved it (46114)

On 04/25/2013 at 2:28am - misc - by goingtobeevicted - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I was excited for my first date in a while, with a "tall handsome business man." Turns out he "doesn't feel emotions anymore", likes getting peed on, and "doesn't do condoms." Thanks, internet dating. FML

#20620574
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57023) - you deserved it (14996)

On 04/25/2013 at 11:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got home from work and found my girlfriend waiting for me in some skimpy lingerie. She ended up pushing me onto the bed, and as I lay there, expecting to be pleasured, she pulled out a pair of adult-sized footsie pajamas and dressed me in them. FML

#20632794
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63052) - you deserved it (8184)

On 04/30/2013 at 2:24pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend in public. She happily said yes, and the surrounding crowd cheered for us. About 10 minutes later, after the excitement died down, she leaned over and quietly said, "Actually, I don't want to marry you. I only said yes so I wouldn't disappoint the crowd." FML

#20622674
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (77838) - you deserved it (11213)

On 04/26/2013 at 5:17am - love - by Anonymous -

Today, I walked in on my sister apparently trying to eat herself out. FML

#20637584
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (75034) - you deserved it (8354)

On 05/02/2013 at 7:54pm - intimacy - by future brain bleach addict (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)



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