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Saturday 27 April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I found out that every time my girlfriend takes a big dump, she pretends as if she's giving birth and screams uncontrollably. I just moved in with her. FML

#20638599
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51180) - you deserved it (5419)

On 05/03/2013 at 7:32am - health - by poopydaddy - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my mother and I saw a stall selling colourful treats at the shopping centre. Some were placed on small dishes, so we thought we'd sample their goods. Turns out that the colourful goodies that we'd bit into were very creative pieces of soap. FML

#20615670
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20048) - you deserved it (43108)

On 04/23/2013 at 11:49am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia

Today, I took my Spanish test, and I felt very confident. I got the test back later, and saw my teacher had written on it: "Congrats on the 94%, but I know you cheated." FML

#20615717
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47588) - you deserved it (6992)

On 04/23/2013 at 12:24pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was sent to group therapy. A girl spent twenty minutes telling us horrible details of having been raised incestuously. A side effect of my new medication is yawning. FML

Today, I was out with my grandma when a pair of very shady guys approached us in the street, hands in their pockets. Without breaking stride, she pulled a knife out of her handbag and told them they'd better keep walking. They did. What the fuck, gran? FML

#20640901
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52875) - you deserved it (7428)

On 05/04/2013 at 1:05pm - misc - by emasculated 10000% (man) - Sweden (Kronobergs Lan)

Today, after 2 months of my new neighbours' kids throwing rocks at our cars, constantly swearing at us, bullying my siblings in and out of school, and vandalising our property, their mother has convinced the landlord that we're the ones out of control. FML

#20620825
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48293) - you deserved it (2494)

On 04/25/2013 at 1:56pm - misc - by neighbour hell - Norway (Vest-Agder)

Today, I learned that my mother counts my jeans as two pairs when she counts how many she's putting in for a load of wash. I've gotten that fat. FML

#20641701
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25055) - you deserved it (37240)

On 05/04/2013 at 8:41pm - misc - by Fatty Fatty Fatso (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was coming home from a much-needed vacation. The time I spent on the plane consisted of kids screaming and throwing tantrums. One of them managed to give me a black eye with a shoe. Their mom pretended to be asleep so I'd have to deal with her kids for her. FML

#20626326
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42919) - you deserved it (2955)

On 04/27/2013 at 10:30pm - health - by Satan'sChildren - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was getting ready, when I heard my dad in the shower. He was singing along to the song "The Wheel in the Sky" by Journey. Except he'd changed the lyrics and was singing, "The dick on this guy needs a rubbin'." It turns out my mom was in the shower with him. FML

#20634724
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65465) - you deserved it (5321)

On 05/01/2013 at 12:13pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was lectured by my mother for staying out until 2 am because I went to a gig last night. I was told I was irresponsible and made to feel ashamed. Not only do I live on my own and pay my bills, but I'm almost 30. This is a regular occurrence. FML

Today, I met my new roommate. She has a life-size cardboard cutout of Justin Bieber in her room, which I've seen her having actual conversations with twice already. I have to share a bedroom with this psycho. FML

#20640984
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54532) - you deserved it (4531)

On 05/04/2013 at 1:46pm - misc - by immovingout (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I went to my grandmom's house for an hour or so. When I came home, my boyfriend was on the bed, covered in the sheets and about to cry. Turns out he taped his ballsack to his leg and couldn't get it off because it "hurts too much." I'm 24 and he's 26. FML

#20616232
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38987) - you deserved it (5289)

On 04/23/2013 at 5:07pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I found out that my roommate has a masturbation problem; the problem is that he does it in my bed. FML

#20618791
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62769) - you deserved it (4685)

On 04/24/2013 at 5:15pm - intimacy - by awkward O_o - United States (Minnesota)



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