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Saturday 27 April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my pregnant wife paged my emergency line at work. Thinking she was in serious danger, I raced home and found her hysterically crying. When I asked her what was going on, she replied, "The dogs won't stop barking!" FML

#20615372
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51937) - you deserved it (6197)

On 04/23/2013 at 7:25am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, while practicing a song in choir, I got a boner. Trying to cover it up, I tried sitting down. My choir teacher got mad and made me stand in front of the whole class. FML

#20615694
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74435) - you deserved it (9828)

On 04/23/2013 at 12:08pm - intimacy - by Soundofaboner - United States

Today, I answered a call at work from a very irate gentleman. After being shouted and sworn at profusely, I ended the call in a slightly less than civil manner. Turns out that guy is one of our company's biggest clients. FML

#20615900
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29940) - you deserved it (42403)

On 04/23/2013 at 2:25pm - work - by hatemyjob (man) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, my sister was crying to me about how her boyfriend never showed up for their date. He's done this many times before, so I suggested the fact that maybe he'd just ditched her. She said that was ridiculous, because "he's Canadian" and according to her, "they don't lie." FML

#20621115
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47579) - you deserved it (5251)

On 04/25/2013 at 4:36pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, the neighbors in the next apartment reported me to the police for screaming at my newborn to "shut the hell up" every time he cries. I would never yell at my baby. My asshole of a dog on the other hand barks at everything, which terrifies the baby, causing him to cry. FML

Today, my bathroom flooded. I frantically cleaned my apartment as fast as I could before the plumber arrived. Everything was finally clean when I let him in. It wasn't until after he finished that I noticed I'd left my anal beads in the shower. There's no way he didn't notice. FML

#20634924
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29822) - you deserved it (57157)

On 05/01/2013 at 2:41pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I discovered why my boss kept on scheduling me to work doubles almost every day. It wasn't because she knew I needed the extra money; she was hoping that my boyfriend would break up with me because I'm never home, and date her instead. It worked. FML

#20615252
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69961) - you deserved it (4547)

On 04/23/2013 at 4:17am - love - by mybossisanass (woman) - United States

Today, I got caught masturbating, twice, by the same person. FML

#20627981
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36252) - you deserved it (73720)

On 04/28/2013 at 3:53pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Saudi Arabia

Today, my mom asked me what a MILF is. Apparently that's her nickname at work. FML

#20634708
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56943) - you deserved it (4403)

On 05/01/2013 at 11:55am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I confessed to cheating to my girlfriend. She decided to go up to the girl and ask her about it. The girl denied it and said she didn't even know me. My girlfriend walked up to me, called me a liar and punched me in the face. FML

#20629579
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26079) - you deserved it (61690)

On 04/29/2013 at 1:26am - love - by bad day Brutus (man) - United States

Today, my former fiancée, who I stopped seeing 5 months ago, married another guy. She wore the dress that I'd purchased for our would-be wedding. FML

#20630309
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60452) - you deserved it (5547)

On 04/29/2013 at 1:07pm - love - by Good Luck Chuck (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my fiancée broke off our engagement. For some bizarre reason, she'd hidden a pair of expensive boots and her iPad underneath our ride-on mower. I turned the mower on and destroyed both without realizing it. According to her, the fault is all mine. FML

#20630400
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55836) - you deserved it (3874)

On 04/29/2013 at 2:07pm - love - by Wow. Really? - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was in the middle of having a shower when I noticed a camera hidden in the corner of the room pointing directly towards the shower which I stood in butt-naked. I live by myself and have recently only moved in. FML

#20627067
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65357) - you deserved it (3552)

On 04/28/2013 at 6:30am - misc - by wtfisgoingon (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)



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