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Monday 22 April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, things got pretty steamy between my boyfriend and me. We started doing stuff that neither of us had tried before. Then, he straddled me with a raging erection and boomed, "IT HAS RISEN!" He didn't understand why I was suddenly no longer in the mood. FML

#20623610
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49254) - you deserved it (9670)

On 04/26/2013 at 6:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my grandpa moved into the apartment next door. The walls are wafer-thin. Goodbye sex life. FML

Today, after a few weeks of my friends pestering me to spend time with a mutual friend, I realized we had a lot in common. We both love shoes, peanut butter, and it appears that my boyfriend of three years is her boyfriend of four years. FML

#20612533
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68753) - you deserved it (4859)

On 04/22/2013 at 2:58am - love - by Stupid (woman) - United States (Idaho)

Today, while grocery shopping, I was having such terrible abdominal pains I could hardly walk. As I'm 8 months pregnant, I told my husband we should head home. He thought a better idea was to run through the store and hide from me, hoping to induce labor by making me chase him. FML

#20619241
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49207) - you deserved it (4126)

On 04/24/2013 at 8:18pm - misc - by pregz (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I had to explain to my friend that the hot girl he's been sending nudes to and cybering with for the past month is probably a bored, fat-as-fuck, balding male living in his mum's basement. The look on his face after I proved that "her" pictures were fake broke my heart. FML

#20623794
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41918) - you deserved it (8187)

On 04/26/2013 at 7:58pm - misc - by sanoria51 (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I was taking a dump in the bathroom. The lights turned off and I was too embarrassed to come out of the stall. The janitor walked in, turned the lights on and asked If anyone was there. I stayed quiet. He turned the lights back off and locked me in the bathroom. FML

#20630741
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18243) - you deserved it (61378)

On 04/29/2013 at 5:11pm - misc - by random - Canada

Today, I was getting into the mood with my boyfriend. Ten minutes into it, I told him to "teach me a lesson." His response: "I ain't no teacher." FML

#20629715
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49189) - you deserved it (12466)

On 04/29/2013 at 3:08am - intimacy - by unforgettablee (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my parents threatened to kick me out of the house if I didn't agree to convert to their new brand of Christianity. This is a day after they ranted at me about how I should speak my mind more and not let myself be controlled by other people. FML

#20628024
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44038) - you deserved it (3184)

On 04/28/2013 at 4:19pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I got home and noticed people were looking at my next-door neighbor's house that is for rent. Peering closer, I realized my ex-boyfriend and the girl he cheated on me with a few months ago are inside. After they left, the "for rent" sign came down. I've got new neighbors. FML

#20622139
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50725) - you deserved it (2768)

On 04/25/2013 at 11:01pm - love - by nodullmoment (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was walking through a rough part of town, when a woman screamed that I'd stolen her bag. I was tackled to the ground by a large guy, who then gave my bag to her. FML

#20624598
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52566) - you deserved it (3314)

On 04/27/2013 at 4:28am - misc - by whathehell (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I had a note to skip P.E. that my grandpa had written because my mom was busy. His handwriting is terrible, so they didn't believe that he'd written it. I'd twisted my ankle and I got to run another mile for "lying". FML

#20615089
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47112) - you deserved it (3887)

On 04/23/2013 at 1:25am - misc - by anonymous - United States

Today, I popped a pimple while stopped at a red light. When I looked over the woman in the car next to me was laughing, and had her camera phone out. FML

#20627066
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41887) - you deserved it (16090)

On 04/28/2013 at 6:28am - health - by msarosi - Canada (Ontario)

Today my ex-boyfriend accepted my mother's offer to have his wedding in our backyard. FML

#20616531
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49207) - you deserved it (3827)

On 04/23/2013 at 7:04pm - love - by traitor (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)



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