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Monday 22 April 2013

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Today, my husband laughed at me for farting in the bathtub; I lied by admitting to it. The fact is that I have enough back-fat to create suction against the bathtub. FML

by Anonymous / 04/24/2013 at 11:20am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my psycho and now ex-girlfriend accused me of cheating on her with my own mother. FML

by Anonymous / 04/27/2013 at 2:32pm / Lithuania (Kauno Apskritis) / Love

Today, my boyfriend dumped me because he says I need to learn how to be happy without relying on him. I'm not a clinger, I'm just unhappy because my dad recently passed away, my best friend turned on me, and I lost out on the exchange program of my dreams. FML

by Anonymous / 04/27/2013 at 12:35pm / Denmark / Love

Today, I was admitted to the hospital for chronic constipation. I have to share a room with two other girls who are also having bowel problems. We're all on strong laxatives, and there's apparently only one bathroom in this place. FML

by shatMyself / 04/22/2013 at 3:10pm / United States / Health

Today, I was fired on my second day of work after a year and a half of unemployment. Apparently, my "tendency to solve problems instead of just accepting them made the other workers uneasy". FML

by anonymous / 04/24/2013 at 12:55am / Germany / Work

Today, I was walking through a rough part of town, when a woman screamed that I'd stolen her bag. I was tackled to the ground by a large guy, who then gave my bag to her. FML

by whathehell / 04/27/2013 at 4:28am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, my son had to help out at the local retirement home for his community service. He got in serious trouble and came whining to me about it after he tried threatening some of the residents into taking part in a Harlem Shake video. FML

by Shitty genes, no two ways about it. / 04/26/2013 at 8:21pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Kids

Today, I was coming home from a much-needed vacation. The time I spent on the plane consisted of kids screaming and throwing tantrums. One of them managed to give me a black eye with a shoe. Their mom pretended to be asleep so I'd have to deal with her kids for her. FML

by Satan'sChildren / 04/27/2013 at 10:30pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Holidays

Today, my mother and I saw a stall selling colourful treats at the shopping centre. Some were placed on small dishes, so we thought we'd sample their goods. Turns out that the colourful goodies that we'd bit into were very creative pieces of soap. FML

by Anonymous / 04/23/2013 at 11:49am / Australia / Miscellaneous

Today, I took my Spanish test, and I felt very confident. I got the test back later, and saw my teacher had written on it: "Congrats on the 94%, but I know you cheated." FML

by Anonymous / 04/23/2013 at 12:24pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to explain to my friend that the hot girl he's been sending nudes to and cybering with for the past month is probably a bored, fat-as-fuck, balding male living in his mum's basement. The look on his face after I proved that "her" pictures were fake broke my heart. FML

by sanoria51 / 04/26/2013 at 7:58pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to my grandmom's house for an hour or so. When I came home, my boyfriend was on the bed, covered in the sheets and about to cry. Turns out he taped his ballsack to his leg and couldn't get it off because it "hurts too much." I'm 24 and he's 26. FML

by anonymous / 04/23/2013 at 5:07pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my roommate has a masturbation problem; the problem is that he does it in my bed. FML

by awkward O_o / 04/24/2013 at 5:15pm / United States (Minnesota) / Intimacy