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Friday 19 April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I went to my grandmom's house for an hour or so. When I came home, my boyfriend was on the bed, covered in the sheets and about to cry. Turns out he taped his ballsack to his leg and couldn't get it off because it "hurts too much." I'm 24 and he's 26. FML

#20616232
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38985) - you deserved it (5289)

On 04/23/2013 at 5:07pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I found out that my roommate has a masturbation problem; the problem is that he does it in my bed. FML

#20618791
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62769) - you deserved it (4685)

On 04/24/2013 at 5:15pm - intimacy - by awkward O_o - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my boyfriend and I attempted sexting for the first time. After about twenty minutes of Star Wars references, I gave up. FML

#20604154
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50828) - you deserved it (9789)

On 04/19/2013 at 1:14am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my son had to help out at the local retirement home for his community service. He got in serious trouble and came whining to me about it after he tried threatening some of the residents into taking part in a Harlem Shake video. FML

#20623837
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41878) - you deserved it (5871)

On 04/26/2013 at 8:21pm - kids - by Shitty genes, no two ways about it. (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I got so drunk I called my ex-boyfriend and confessed my love to him. All in front of my current boyfriend. FML

#20613766
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21480) - you deserved it (72972)

On 04/22/2013 at 6:31pm - love - by Out from Hell (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I got ancestry DNA tests for my parents and myself. The DNA testing company informed me that I'm a 50% match for my mother but I share no DNA with my father. Apparently, both my parents forgot that they used a sperm donor. This insignificant detail has slipped their minds for 35 years. FML

#20600180
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48821) - you deserved it (3090)

On 04/17/2013 at 6:56pm - misc - by Flora (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up feeling awful, having caught the same illness my boyfriend had last night. When he was sick, I skipped my friend's baby shower to take care of him. Now that I'm sick, he goes to a friend's place, says to call if I need him, then turns his phone off. Seriously. FML

#20608416
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57182) - you deserved it (7250)

On 04/20/2013 at 7:40pm - love - by Thanks Babe (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, things got pretty steamy between my boyfriend and me. We started doing stuff that neither of us had tried before. Then, he straddled me with a raging erection and boomed, "IT HAS RISEN!" He didn't understand why I was suddenly no longer in the mood. FML

#20623610
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49253) - you deserved it (9670)

On 04/26/2013 at 6:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, after weeks of insomnia, I fell asleep. This would have been great if my brother didn't wake me up at 3am, screaming because his guild finally took down a raid boss. I'm now grounded for thumping him, and have to do all his chores while sleep deprived. FML

#20592535
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41074) - you deserved it (5067)

On 04/15/2013 at 12:32am - misc - by do your own ironing (woman) -

Today, I had phone sex with my boyfriend. He had an asthma attack. FML

#20592968
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61350) - you deserved it (11101)

On 04/15/2013 at 5:09am - intimacy - by JRLJLS (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, after years of loaning my mother countless amounts of cash that never get paid back, borrowing $60 from her, and being just one day late paying it off due to food poisoning, she sends a very large man to my door to collect, like she's Tony Soprano. FML

#20601228
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45086) - you deserved it (4481)

On 04/18/2013 at 12:01am - money - by some people's parents - United States (Colorado)

Today, my grandmother tried to upstage me at my wedding by wearing an actual wedding dress because she "never had a real wedding". FML

#20609675
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55979) - you deserved it (4063)

On 04/21/2013 at 8:26am - misc - by gamerguru13 - United States (New York)

Today, my grandpa moved into the apartment next door. The walls are wafer-thin. Goodbye sex life. FML



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