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Friday 19 April 2013

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Today, my husband laughed at me for farting in the bathtub; I lied by admitting to it. The fact is that I have enough back-fat to create suction against the bathtub. FML

by Anonymous / 04/24/2013 at 11:20am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I told the guy I've liked since we were children that I'm madly in love with him. He replied with, "Aw, I love you too, as a sister." I was speechless. He patted me on the back and said, "Better luck next time." FML

by Anonymous / 04/18/2013 at 7:08pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I found out that my boyfriend cheated on me with my "best friend" while I was away on vacation. She is now writing on her blog about how heartbreaking the whole situation is for her, and how she's "stuck in the middle of all this." FML

by sherrylynn / 04/19/2013 at 5:50pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, at the exact moment that I leaned over to show my dad a picture on my phone, my boyfriend texted me: "I'm no weather man, but you can expect a few inches tonight." FML

by Anonymous / 04/17/2013 at 1:39am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I was at my little girl's concert. She plays the clarinet, and in the middle of her solo, her phone started ringing. She decided to stop, check her phone, and continue playing. FML

by Aberrombie Blue / 04/18/2013 at 7:01pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Kids

Today, it's my only day off work in a while. I told my boss I'd be available via phone in case of emergencies. So far I've been called three times: To ask how the fax works, to let me know it's a slow day, and to ask me where the letter R is on a keyboard. FML

by Anonymous / 04/19/2013 at 6:17am / Germany (Berlin) / Work

Today, I admitted to my parents that I'm a pathological liar and I would like to go get help. They didn't believe me, and told me stop making stuff up. FML

Today, I tried to explain to my history teacher why Woodrow Wilson would not have called the Great War "World War 1" as she constantly claims. I was sent to the office for my insubordination. FML

by Anonymous / 04/18/2013 at 3:54am / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, I was admitted to the hospital for chronic constipation. I have to share a room with two other girls who are also having bowel problems. We're all on strong laxatives, and there's apparently only one bathroom in this place. FML

by shatMyself / 04/22/2013 at 3:10pm / United States / Health

Today, I briefly left my laptop while I went to use the toilet. When I came back, I found "I" had posted on Facebook, calling my mom a "stupid cunt who should just stay in the kitchen." The only other person home at the time was my grandpa. She didn't believe it, and permanently grounded me. FML

by phonesmuggler / 04/18/2013 at 3:30pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was fired on my second day of work after a year and a half of unemployment. Apparently, my "tendency to solve problems instead of just accepting them made the other workers uneasy". FML

by anonymous / 04/24/2013 at 12:55am / Germany / Work

Today, I had phone sex with my boyfriend. He had an asthma attack. FML

by JRLJLS / 04/15/2013 at 5:09am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate for the first time. A few hours later, we discovered he's highly allergic to my Summer's Eve soap. He looks like he's been attacked by bees. Yay for losing my v-card. FML

by Anonymous / 04/16/2013 at 7:21pm / United States / Intimacy