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Friday 5 April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I found an invisible ink pen. I drew on my arms, thinking nobody would see it. I had an allergic reaction to the ink, and I now have three very large, very visible, red penises on my forearm. FML

#20579781
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15910) - you deserved it (61156)

On 04/07/2013 at 8:30pm - health - by maturity - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my Romeo and Juliet style relationship hit an all time low when my boyfriend's parents filed a lawsuit against my parents. FML

#20585611
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46523) - you deserved it (6194)

On 04/11/2013 at 8:40pm - love - by Juliet (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my fiancé dumped me because he claimed he needed to "focus on his career and his engagement." When I asked him how dumping me would help with his engagement, he immediately replied with, "No, I mean my other one." FML

#20569834
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48797) - you deserved it (3460)

On 04/01/2013 at 10:50am - love - by t.hughes (woman) - United States

Today, I took multiple pictures of my blanket and pillow pet, trying to get the "perfect pose" so I could post it on Facebook with a cheesy joke. I'm 30. FML

#20578784
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14731) - you deserved it (39930)

On 04/07/2013 at 8:07am - misc - by kimhinesvoinea - United States

Today, I was working the night shift at the hotel. One of my tasks is to clean out the pool robot. While trying to pull it up, I got pulled in. I had to hide naked in the laundry room for an hour while I put my uniform through the dryer. FML

#20580594
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32919) - you deserved it (3887)

On 04/08/2013 at 12:56pm - work - by soakedga - United States (Georgia)

Today, my boyfriend fell asleep while watching TV. I thought it would be cute to try to kiss him awake like they do in the movies. He farted. FML

#20584796
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40839) - you deserved it (18707)

On 04/11/2013 at 8:52am - love - by Wow (woman) - United States

Today, my racist, homophobic, generally degenerate grandmother visited. Within 20 minutes, she uttered multiple racial slurs, said Robert Downey Jr. will burn in hell for playing a black man in one of his movies, and yelled that she'd "whip the piss" out of me, after I asked her to leave. FML

#20584991
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37051) - you deserved it (5934)

On 04/11/2013 at 1:16pm - misc - by no tea parties here, gran (man) - United States

Today, my Jewish boyfriend came over for my extended family's Easter party. My grandmother made fun of him for being Jewish so badly, that he left, crying. She doesn't see what she did wrong. FML

#20569420
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39640) - you deserved it (4384)

On 04/01/2013 at 1:23am - misc - by aabadaba (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was on a plane in the aisle seat; the guy in the middle was encroaching on my space, and the window seat was not taken. The stewardess noticed my discomfort and suggested the guy move so we both had space. He had bought both seats and "liked sitting in the middle." FML

#20574297
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35701) - you deserved it (2164)

On 04/04/2013 at 3:12am - misc - by Claustrophobic - United States

Today, I had a friend "dump" me over Facebook. She apparently thought we were dating. I'm a gay man who's lived with his partner for 5 years. She says I have commitment issues. FML

#20583902
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48286) - you deserved it (5534)

On 04/10/2013 at 6:17pm - love - by drama king? (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I came home after working overtime to find my dog whining and giving me her "I need to take a shit" face. After changing my shoes, I came back ready to let her out, only to find her giving me the "I just took a shit on your rug" face. My husband has been home all day. FML

#20585168
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42770) - you deserved it (8119)

On 04/11/2013 at 3:38pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Shropshire)

Today, my girlfriend said that while she was playing volleyball, her whole life flashed before her eyes. According to her grandmother, my girlfriend is now psychic. She completely believes it. FML

#20574330
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31737) - you deserved it (3270)

On 04/04/2013 at 4:20am - misc - by CrazyBitch - United States (California)

Today, after my shift at the hospital ended, I happened to look into a full-length mirror. My new scrubs turned out to be see-through. Instead of my undies, everyone got a good look at my cellulite-ridden ass. Fan-fucking-tastic day to wear a thong. FML

#20583566
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39095) - you deserved it (17786)

On 04/10/2013 at 1:41pm - work - by birdiebeth13 - United States (Wisconsin)



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