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Friday 5 April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, while working at a porn store, a group of six people tried to return used toys and penis pumps. Even though you can't return any items, it's still an unfortunately common occurrence. The semen in these particular toys, however, is not. All of them began shouting at me for not refunding them. FML

#20569678
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44902) - you deserved it (6279)

On 04/01/2013 at 7:57am - intimacy - by ohgodwhyyoufreaks (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, while going down on my girlfriend, I finally managed to give her an orgasm. During that orgasm, she tore out a clump of my hair, causing me to scream in pain. She scowled and said, "Ah shut it, ya little bitch." FML

#20577693
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54151) - you deserved it (12390)

On 04/06/2013 at 3:13pm - intimacy - by dating walter white's gf apparently (man) - United Kingdom

Today, a girl punched me square in the face, effectively leaving it with purple swellings because I called her boyfriend an "uncle". Said boyfriend IS my uncle. FML

#20571521
121 comments

Today, my mom started fundraising and selling things on ebay. At first I was happy because I thought she was finally going to help me pay my college tuition. Turns out she's planning on raising money to get our dog a new friend because she's "lonely". FML

#20583166
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33716) - you deserved it (4748)

On 04/10/2013 at 2:54am - money - by Witos (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my social teacher thought it would be a great idea to have a casual debate about Margaret Thatcher and her legacy. Within 10 minutes, the entire class was yelling, screaming, throwing stuff at each other. I got hit in the face with a binder. FML

#20584117
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37644) - you deserved it (3533)

On 04/10/2013 at 8:40pm - misc - by great idea - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my mom broke the news that my dad secretly got married two months ago, to a woman he has been dating for 15 years, and that my parents have actually been divorced for 12 years. They just lied about it this whole time. FML

#20585943
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62203) - you deserved it (5444)

On 04/12/2013 at 1:11am - misc - by too young for this (woman) - United States

Today, it was my wedding day. Three people showed up. My mom, my dad, and the priest. FML

#20574279
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63521) - you deserved it (4691)

On 04/04/2013 at 2:46am - love - by nobodylovesme (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I saw a very attractive young woman struggling with some boxes. The seduction attempt resulted in me carrying 60lbs of items for 30mins. When we got to her apartment, she thanked me and introduced me to her boyfriend. FML

#20579784
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20919) - you deserved it (38930)

On 04/07/2013 at 8:33pm - misc - by JacktheRussian (man) - United States

Today, I shaved my pubic area for my fiancé. He told me it looked "like Frodo tried to hack off Gandalf's beard with Gimli's ax." FML

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Just as I was about to orgasm, he pulled away and said that my vagina is like a mask and that he feels like Bane from Batman. He's been talking in a Bane voice to my vagina for 30 minutes now. I guess sex is over. FML

#20586362
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62761) - you deserved it (11249)

On 04/12/2013 at 11:34am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I offered to pay my boyfriend to buy me flowers. He still refused. FML

#20584487
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39797) - you deserved it (14991)

On 04/11/2013 at 12:53am - love - by flowerging (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, the McDonald's in my town ran out of fries. I was the one who had to tell all the angry customers we had no more fries in the store. FML

#20571214
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36021) - you deserved it (3698)

On 04/02/2013 at 3:24am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I picked my 12-year-old daughter up from school after her first sexual education lecture. She burst into tears on the way home explaining her fears of being pregnant with her boyfriend's child. As if that doesn't sound bad enough, I've met her boyfriend before. He is imaginary. FML

#20575072
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42784) - you deserved it (3861)

On 04/04/2013 at 6:52pm - kids - by anonymous (woman) - United States (California)



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