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Monday 1 April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I took an incredibly painful dump. After I cleaned myself up, I got up and was about to flush, until I saw something moving around in one of the logs of poop. It looked like an earthworm. It wasn't there when I sat down. FML

#20576240
234 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43566) - you deserved it (4360)

On 04/05/2013 at 2:51pm - health - by what if I'm being eaten from the inside out? oh my god (man) - Singapore

Today, I regretfully confessed to my parents I have trichotillomania. There was a torturous pause, followed by the question, "Are you gay?" FML

#20575858
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29723) - you deserved it (4534)

On 04/05/2013 at 7:23am - health - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my cousin is visiting from Oklahoma. He can't go a minute without saying "YOLO" or "Swag". He's going to be here for a week. FML

#20572695
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42039) - you deserved it (3521)

On 04/03/2013 at 1:20am - misc - by fuck YOLO - United States (California)

Today, I was proposed to, under the condition that I "get thin" first. FML

#20578323
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47147) - you deserved it (9158)

On 04/06/2013 at 11:19pm - love - by ziggers10 - United States

Today, I was trying out my first vibrator. Soon enough, my 12-year-old sister opened my door, walked in, and saw me naked from the waist down. She laughed, called me a virgin, and left. FML

#20574621
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51979) - you deserved it (17658)

On 04/04/2013 at 12:04pm - intimacy - by Ribbed for Her Disaster (woman) - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, while shopping for a birthday present for my size 0 friend, I picked out a pair of pants for her. When paying, the cashier looked me up and down and said, "Well, you're pretty optimistic aren't you?" FML

#20574572
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45721) - you deserved it (3805)

On 04/04/2013 at 11:12am - misc - by NotASize0 (woman) - Denmark

Today, at the store, I noticed a girl eyeing a chocolate bunny. Her mom refused to buy it, saying they didn't have enough money. She started crying, so I decided to make her day and offered to buy it for her. Her mom reacted by slapping me across the face and calling me a "pedo." FML

#20576602
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45026) - you deserved it (7837)

On 04/05/2013 at 8:13pm - kids - by easteryegg (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was buying condoms at Walmart. I grabbed the XL size, and the cashier commented, "Ahh, you'll definitely need a smaller size." FML

#20573161
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32619) - you deserved it (14098)

On 04/03/2013 at 12:57pm - misc - by nottoosmall - United States

Today, after paying for my groceries, I noticed that a bread-roll hadn't been charged. I felt guilty and went back to the register to pay for it. The cashier burst into derisive laughter and mockingly asked me if I was "running for Pope or something". FML

Today, my sister gave my laptop away and dumped a pile of her hamster's turds on my bed. All of this because I flushed the toilet while she was in the shower last night. FML

#20573279
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39395) - you deserved it (6068)

On 04/03/2013 at 2:45pm - misc - by poop (man) -

Today, I was chatting online with a guy I really like, when he used the word "irregardless." I couldn't help but mention how little sense it makes, since it's a combination of two words meaning roughly the same thing. He replied, "lol what? your stupid." Jesus Christ. FML

#20576546
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31090) - you deserved it (8960)

On 04/05/2013 at 7:21pm - love - by pot, meet kettle (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, it is my birthday. Since my parents are in the middle of a divorce, my mom thought it was perfectly reasonable to burn the gifts my dad got for me in the fireplace. FML

#20578709
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51201) - you deserved it (2529)

On 04/07/2013 at 5:19am - misc - by child of a crazed women (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my older brother walked in on me while I was wearing nothing but a bra, panties, pantyhose, and high heels. I'm his little brother. FML

#20572069
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22475) - you deserved it (66005)

On 04/02/2013 at 6:52pm - misc - by SayCheese - Canada (British Columbia)



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